Developing A Cat-Like Instinct for Relationships

If you’re a regular reader of the Bennis Inc Blog you’ll surely recall my “personal assistant” Pinot. For those of you who may still be catching up or just stopping by, allow me to explain that this fur ball of personality doubles as my work partner on most days, but most simply (and reasonably) stated she’s our family pet. During the day, Pinot and I do a good job of keeping to our respective tasks at hand so long as what I’m do appears uninteresting and her food dish is full. But as soon as she decides I can offer her anything of benefit – a warm lap, fresh water or source of entertainment – she gives me her undivided attention. This animal-to-human dynamic she and I share is not far removed from the dynamics I share with other people in my life. Whether I’m the cat or human in these particular scenarios is debatable, but I’ve realized that when it comes to relationships, there’s a great deal of similarity to be found between us and our feline friends. I believe this can be best summarized by David Fisher’s quote:

“The golden rule of cats that governs all relationships we have with people: you scratch my back, you scratch my back.”

I would be shocked if you could not think of one instance in which this feline relationship principle held true. Business partnerships, interactions with strangers, close friendships and marriages all require some degree of “back scratching” and let’s be honest, it sure feels better to be on the receiving end. As much as we’d like to convince ourselves that we are always selfless and fair, the truth is that some of our most fulfilling relationships with others are the result of a cat-like instinct to look out for Number One. And surprisingly, that’s OK. In fact it’s this instinct that ultimately protects our business, our happiness and our time.

First thinking about my business, I’m very cat-like in that I want to share mutually beneficial work relationships with any client I take on. Though I’m the one providing them with a service, and they will and should benefit, I too want to benefit. I want this to turn into a satisfied client that turns into a recommendation that turns into potentially more work. I want a client who shares my vision for their business and is as passionate about bringing it to reality as I am. In friendships, I want to invest my time with people who are positive, happy and inspiring because this has such a profound impact on my own mood. And with strangers or new acquaintances, I want an interaction that holds the promise of a future client, friend or both. When all piled together, these seem like quite a greedy request of my relationships. But consider this: the more we work to surround ourselves with beneficial relationships, the more beneficial we also become to those with whom we interact.

So long as we maintain a genuine effort to share the happiness and success we build for ourselves, there is no guilt in seeking out that next “back scratching.“

I don’t anticipate receiving a reciprocal tummy rub from Pinot anytime soon, yet our relationship works because I too am benefiting in my own way. She’s my stress relief, companion and certainly introduces and element of entertainment and surprise into our household. To apply this to the relationships in your life, don’t ever feel guilty for enjoying or benefiting from the interactions you have with people. It’s most likely that you’re also providing enjoyment or a benefit to them as well. So as long as Pinot keeps coming around for her daily back scratches and I keep providing them, I know that we’re mutually happy and that we each feel like we’re getting the better end of this deal.

 

Fear Factor: Why this emotion is necessary for success

The inspiration for this week’s blog post comes from one of the world’s best-known thinkers who I happen to find absolutely fascinating—Plato. He’s credited with this wisdom, “Courage is knowing what not to fear.” Like most philosophies or proverbs, they’re simply stated, but the endless possibilities of meanings and applications run much deeper. I liked this quote from the first time I heard it, but now as a business owner and entrepreneur, every quote I see or re-read seems to also be applicable to business and success in some way. This one is no exception.

I wrote not too long ago about fear and inspiration as being the two ultimate motivators. In this breakdown I examined how each motivator results in very different types of actions. What this topic did not allow me to expand upon is how fear, though not the preferred motivator, is still an essential part of success. We should never be without at least some fear in our lives for the same reason we should never be without pain. These are the emotional and physical indicators that we’re doing something that’s stretching our limits – it can be a good feeling when it’s that of growth. Once we move outside of this “good growth” area of pain and fear, they then become the indicators that we shouldn’t go any further. This is what keeps us from destroying ourselves (or our business or our relationships). Thus, the goal shouldn’t be to overcome every fear; it should be to overcome the unnecessary fears.

When NOT to fear

“Courage is knowing what not to fear.” But how do we know what is fear-worthy and what we should push to overcome? This differentiation might be the most critical component to ensuring we’re exhausting our options and not ourselves. Unfortunately, Plato didn’t go on to further describe how we might know what to fear; he left that for us to figure out on our own. During my experience of quitting my job, taking a chance on starting a new business and overcoming the expected ups and downs of entrepreneurship along the way, I’ve had to face quite a few of my own fears. In the beginning I feared losing any client or getting turned down for any project. I’ve since realized that this is something I should not and cannot fear if I wish to excel in this industry. The possibility for rejection and change are around every corner, but this does not stop me from continuing to seek new clients and put my hat in the ring for proposals. The fact is, if I got every client I created a proposal for and kept them ongoing, I would be very overwhelmed and my business would not have the same opportunity to re-evaluate and refocus its client base every so often. That same rejection and change that I once feared is now my natural business cleansing process that I’ve come to appreciate. In this example, I found courage not by eliminating this fear or avoiding it, but by learning that it’s something I should not fear at all.

 When to fear

In contrast to knowing when not to fear, it’s just as important to know when a fear is reasonable, logical and a valuable safety mechanism. Again to provide an example from my own experience, I’ve become very in tune to the fear of sacrificing my standards or quality of work to accommodate a client. When business is slow and you’re looking to just pay the bills, it’s a natural instinct to go into survival mode. It’s OK to work for reduced rates or take on less than ideal clients for a short period of time to help pay the bills until your business is again revived. But fear rises up whenever I feel as though I’m lowering my standards or providing sub-par work to meet these reduced prices. I would rather turn away a client if it’s not a good fit than to squeeze and stretch to make it work and have us both be supremely dissatisfied in the end. In this case, my fear helps me to protect my personal reputation and to stay focused on the direction I want my business to go. It keeps me from digressing into offering services more aligned with a personal assistant or data entry and to protect my time for future clients that require the PR services in which I specialize.

Being courageous

I would like to believe that “courageous” is a term that has become synonymous with “entrepreneur.” It’s no easy feat to go against the grain, open your own business and pursue your dreams. It’s hard to watch peers continue down a path that’s well-beaten and easy to see miles into the future. Entrepreneurs don’t get that. We blaze our own path and often have the scars and exhaustion to show for it. But this is all with the hope that the path we choose to follow leads us on a better journey – a journey we control and can change at any moment. Ultimately, this takes courage and because “courage is knowing what not to fear,” we have to make the effort to look within and separate true fear from perceived or imagined fear. This is a critical step in both personal and business development. So, get to know your fears – intimately – especially the ones that can become your moral compass and business instinct.

 

Shifting Away From Shift Work: Forgetting the Life of a 9-5er

I realized I’ve now spent more of my career as an entrepreneur, building my own business and setting my own schedule, than I have as a 9 to 5 employee to someone else. It’s a milestone I’ve proudly earned by taking many other risks and sacrifices, but I still can’t help but a feel little spoiled for the life this has provided. When my friends or family encounter a restriction because of their work schedule, I’m oddly aloof as to what this feels like. I’m unable to recall what it’s like to have to report to a desk every day at a specific time and stay there regardless of what, if any work needs accomplished during those exact hours. Work doesn’t always come in between 9am and 5pm and it certainly doesn’t stop coming in at all other hours of the day. This raises the question of why, with all of the technology that allows us to work from virtually anywhere, do we still chain ourselves to a desk for a block period of time?

I don’t know who I should credit for its original quotation, but this following thought often weaves itself into my conversations with people who ask me about entrepreneurship. “As an entrepreneur, you get to choose the 80 hours a week you work.” The hours of work per week will change, but the message remains the same. Entrepreneurs may put in long hours, but at least we get to choose these hours. This allows us to weave work around life, travel and important events that we may otherwise have to choose between. I jokingly say that if I worked a 9 to 5 job, I would max out my vacation days before February of each year and with every passing year this joke becomes more of a reality. I’m grateful that the length of my vacations, holiday breaks and time spent with family are at my discretion. With a husband who also runs his own non-profit, I’m quite certain that without our flexible work schedules we would be like two ships passing in the night. Instead, I’ll join him on a business trip and work from hotels and coffee shops. Or we’ll both choose to work from home for a day to spend a little more time together.

When you’re an insomniac they say that you’re never really asleep and never really awake. As an entrepreneur, I feel quite similar with my work schedule. At any given time I never have to be working, but I’m also never not working. Email and cell phones connect me at all times with my clients, so whether I’m sitting in front of my computer or out grocery shopping, I’m just as accessible. This allows me to do anything at any hour of the day and so I try to be strategic with when I do what. For example, entrepreneurship has allowed me to visit the doctor or hair salon at times when most people have to be at the office. I can do my grocery shopping when the store is dead rather than fighting with the weekend traffic. I also schedule my meetings to avoid rush hour so I can easily sail down the highway and spend more time than absolutely necessary in transit. These may seem like small perks, but I couldn’t imagine life without them.

I’m barely able to remember what life was like when I had the same exact routine every morning and a set time to be out the door. Every so often these clouded memories come back when I find myself scheduled for an early morning meeting or poor planning has left me stuck in commuter traffic. My immediate reaction is “How do people do this every day?” After the moment passes and I re-enter my entrepreneurial world of constant change and variable schedules, I realize this is also a reasonable question that anyone else may choose to ask me…

 

Fear or Inspiration: The Two Motivators That Makes Us Move

We see it in the news, read it in a magazine or hear it within our networks almost every day. There’s some new start-up that’s growing exponentially and breaking all kinds of projections. They’re on the fast track to becoming the “next big thing.” It’s enough to make any small business owner or entrepreneur want to throw the old adage of “slow and steady wins the race” out the window.  Who wouldn’t want their business to skyrocket to Facebook-like fame? From my own experiences and observations, I’ve found that for any business that’s progressing and expanding at warp speed, there is most commonly one of two causes for this type of growth. The differences between these causes are paramount to the ultimate success – or implosion – of the business.

Most simply defined, the two motivators for momentum are fear and inspiration. For most businesses, it’s easy to pick out which they’re experiencing. The difference can be seen in whether their actions to accommodate this growth are proactive or reactive. Not all speeds of growth are beneficial if it comes at the risk of ruining your business or losing your sanity.  The ultimate goal for any business experiencing a period of growth should be to run like you’re crossing the finish line, not like you’re being chased.

Running Scared

Especially seen in start-ups, where one good viral marketing campaign can create an insatiable consumer demand almost overnight, the momentum of business growth can make you run like you’re being chased. You’re reactionary. There’s no time to create a sensible growth plan when you’re barely able to keep up with the current demands of the business. You’re not running the business, the business is running you – or after you, rather. Sure it’s momentum and to the outside world it appears that you’re making significant progress, but in reality you’re shooting from the hip with every decision. My political experience has provided me with far too many examples of organizations who function out of fear. Jokingly we called it organized chaos, but this reactionary behavior to everything thrown at us resulted in frequent mistakes and missed opportunities. In retrospect, these situations would have greatly benefited from even just an hour or two of critical planning. This small investment of time in the short term would have given us a more proactive plan to turn to in the long term. For any business or organization that appears to be “running scared,” it’s never too late to pump the breaks and replace this fear with strategy.

Running Toward A Goal

In contrast to the first type of motivator – fear, the motivator of inspiration produces quite a different result within a business. To the outside world movement all appears the same, but inside you can clearly tell a business that functions off of a well thought out growth strategy. Unlike running scared, running toward a goal helps you to make even big decisions with less effort. Your strategy – or finish line – helps you to see the obvious answers. You’re calm, confident and collected because your focus is on anticipating the next step not reacting to the last hurdle. The inspired movers are the business owners who are able to appreciate the growth of their business, not come to curse it. Most importantly, when you have inspiration as your motivator, not fear, you are in complete control of the direction of growth. You’re able to pick and choose the opportunities that best align with your goals. When motivated by fear, you’re more likely to take on every opportunity that comes your way regardless of whether it’s the right fit. I once had someone give me the advice, “Pile as much on your plate as you can. You can always take it off later, but you can’t put it back on.” I was hesitant when I first heard this and have since learned that it’s very bad advice. Be strategic with your opportunities and don’t give into the fear that tells you another one may never come your way – with enough talent and inspiration, they always do!

In thinking about your own business – or even your personal life – which type of growth do you most familiarize yourself with? Are you running scared or are you running toward a goal? There’s no questioning the accuracy of the term “growing pains.” Growth means change and change is often uncomfortable. What’s important to remember is that between the two motivators that make us move – fear and inspiration – one drains us while the other fulfills us.  It’s important to seek out the latter to ensure that even during the most uncomfortable periods of growth that require us to stretch our limits, we have a finish line in sight and a strategy to get there feeling like a champion.

 

The Power of Habit–And Making Your Bed (Guest Blog by Todd Shirley)

This week’s post comes from returning guest blogger, Todd Shirley. Todd is a talented writer with a wealth of knowledge to share. I hope you are inspired to leave a comment or engage in conversation after reading this post. To learn more about Todd, please visit his biography at the end and check out his blog here.

—————————————————————————————————————————

The Power of Habit–And Making Your Bed

I have a habit of talking to myself. It has lead to some embarrassing situations. One time at a job I worked in high school, co workers, customers, and my bosses stopped business briefly to share a communal laugh at this habit.  As I cleaned the large windows of the shop, the sun was at my back and reflected onto my eyes. I couldn’t see into the store while everyone could clearly see me wiping the windows and pantomiming an argument I was having inside my head.

As an adult, nothing gets me talking to myself more than when I read a good non-fiction book. In a weird way, I live the facts that I pick up from it.  The Power of Habit: Why we do what we do in life and business by Charles Duhigg is such a book to trigger this habit several times over.  I highly recommend it.

The following three points from the book are my favorite. I have also shared  how they relate to me.

1: Habits are inevitable because our brains RELY on habits:

Nothing makes the brain take up more energy than novel experiences. To move an experience into the realm of a habit offers the brain a tremendous cost savings for its resources.

Consider this point in terms of dialing a new ten digit phone number. I estimate there are over thirty steps involved. Each number has to be recognized, located on the dial pad, and double-checked for accuracy. To dial a familiar number, your brain doesn’t approach it in several steps; it approaches it as one movement of your finger.

In my day to day work I encounter middle schoolers from foreign countries. I’ve heard time and again that their day is eight times more tiring than students who are familiar with the school district, speak English and understand our customs.

2: We operate under the influence of keystone habits:

Keystone habits are habits that dictate other habits.

I struggle all the time to eat breakfast before work.  While reading the book, I decided to begin focusing on making my bed before work instead of preparing breakfast. In doing so, I found out I had more time before work than I realized. This led to frying up some eggs and eating them.  After about the fifth time doing this, I thought I was on to something.  Regularly now I eat breakfast about four times a week but no longer make my bed.

3: Habits don’t go extinct, they get written over:

I haven’t touched a mountain bike in years but feel pretty confident I could hop on one and make my way down the street.  The habits necessary to ride my bike are still there but were written over by habits relevant to driving my car.

The book, The Power of Habit, has many implications for an individual’s life as well as how organizations work.  I found it rewarding and encouraging as it seems to lift the veil of mystery that often covers up human behavior. I hope I’ve piqued your interest by writing about my personal experiences as they relate to this book.

Anyone care to venture a guess about what I do now instead of talking to myself?  Leave a comment with your best idea and I’ll reveal the answer…

—————————————————————————————————————————–

Todd Shirley works full time as a school counselor and carries a caseload of clients who are in the foster care system. When he is not working, he is reading, working out, cooking Paleo and discussing all that is arbitrary about life. Oh-and his favorite animal is the manatee. Todd is an incredible guest blogger with a wealth of knowledge to share. I hope you are inspired to leave a comment, engage in conversation or visit his blog having now read this post. You are always welcome to share your thoughts below!

 

When A “Courteous Follow-Up” Is No Longer A Courtesy

There are some days where I feel like it’s a battlefield of communication where emails and phone calls come whizzing at me with more force and fury than actual bullets. I try and put up a good shield by opting out of junk mail as quickly as I seemed to get signed up for it, but this is far from a fix-all solution. Inevitably, unsolicited emails and phone calls hit me on a daily basis. Though they take merely minutes of my day to digest and dispose of, this time adds up as does my overall feeling of annoyance and agitation. In the last few days I took note as to where most of these communications were coming from and I was surprised to find that they were often the byproduct of a “courteous follow-up” for a recent account I created or order I purchased. Why was my time being wasted and inbox being inundated with so much junk that someone somewhere thought I actually wanted to hear about?

These “courteous follow-ups” I experienced couldn’t have been further from a courtesy. They were providing me with information I already knew, promotions I wasn’t interested in and taking up extra time and energy I didn’t have. Follow-up communication especially with new or potential customers is a tricky balance. You want to appear excited and helpful, but you need to also know when to get out of the way and give the customer some space! I feel like there needs to be some rules of common courtesy for “courteous follow-ups.” Even if they’re just a friendly guideline or a desperate plea from customers all across the globe, businesses should really take note as to how their marketing efforts may actually be turning off their customer base. The following are simply my own “courteous” contributions to this proposed guideline – and with any luck they may just save some businesses a phone call, an email…and a customer.

Offer an “opt-in” for customers to initiate further communication

I don’t like that the norm is for people to have to opt-out of being contacted. Sure, this makes it easier for businesses to build their email list because they bank on people not taking note to that tiny check box, but if it’s happy and engaged customers you’re looking for—this tactic isn’t going to provide that for you anyway. Allow me to opt-in and put your effort into creating a compelling reason why I should. Will this newsletter offer me exclusive discounts or news on something I’m interested in? If so, I’ll likely sign up on my own free will and stay subscribed much longer than if you did it for me.

Allow customers to specify their communication preferences

I’m an email communicator and I make no effort to hide this preference even with my clients and other contractors. Email is the best way to reach me and the way I feel least intruded upon. When I receive a call from a number that’s not in my phone book, my immediate reaction is “this better be an emergency!” And I promise you it rarely is. Never do I find a courteous follow-up call a courtesy – I find it a nuisance. Either I pick up and am forced to talk to someone for at least a minute or two (which takes much more time than deleting an email) or I screen the call and am forced to listen to a voice mail at a later time. The bottom line is I’d like to be given the opportunity to voice my communication preference and only if I already opted-in to be further contacted. That is what I would consider a courtesy.

Never take up any unsolicited amount of someone’s time

I always appreciate a phone call that starts with “Are you available for 5 minutes to talk right now?” It prepares you that someone only wants 5 minutes of your time and is not assuming you have that much time to give them at this very moment. A courteous follow-up email or phone call should not ambush someone and steal any amount of their time. First, it should always be solicited by means of allowing someone to opt-in to future communication. Second, it should be courteous enough to be scheduled at a time that’s most convenient for the potential customer. I can’t convey the depth of my annoyance when I realize I accidentally picked up the phone for a long-winded telemarketer when I’m actually waiting on a very important call.

Be sure the message is meaningful and adding value – not wasting time

This might be the most important guideline to follow out of them all. Whatever type of follow-up communication you’re pushing out to your customers, make sure you’re offering them something new, something of interest to them specifically or something that adds value. For example, when I create a new account on a photo printing web site, I don’t need a welcome email simply thanking me for signing up. If this email was to offer me a coupon or contain important login information for my account that I should save, then that adds value. Any courteous follow-up, whether it’s a phone call or an email, should offer the customer something beyond just wanting to say hi. It goes without saying that a business would be happy a new account was created with them; don’t waste your first communication with a potential customer on stating what can be assumed.

Say it once and let it go!

The example of creating a new account on a photo printing web site can also be applied to this final guideline. Once I create an account and get through the onslaught of “welcome” and “how can we help you” emails, I don’t want to also be bombarded every week with an email reminding me that I have an item left in my shopping cart or an unclaimed promotion. Receiving this reminder once is a courtesy, receiving this reminder weekly is a nuisance.

What are some of your biggest pet peeves regarding courteous follow-up calls and emails? Do you also feel bombarded or ambushed with unsolicited communication? Share what’s the most effective to reach you or what turns you off completely. You might just help to save many other businesses the wasted effort they put into wasting our time.

 

A Low-Information Diet – The Solution for Overwhelm and Overload?

When I was in college I struggled with the perceived pressure to always be “in the know” with local and national media. As soon as I woke up I would turn my TV to the morning news as I checked emails and got ready for the day. On the way to class I would grab our Daily Collegian and a USA Today and scour the top headlines. During breaks I would sit with my phone and scroll through the feeds from various news apps. For all intents and purposes – I was completely wired. I self-prescribed this high-information diet so that I would never appear oblivious or ignorant to the outside world I was just learning to navigate. I was utterly convinced that absorbing as much media as I could was the only way to ensure I could hold a mature an intelligent conversation in the real world.

The building of this pressure was amplified by my communications professors’ preaching to always stay informed, to subscribe to at least 5 news sources a day and to read, read, read. It made sense. If I was going to excel in the field of communications, I needed to understand how people communicate and join in the conversation! I quickly allotted what little free time and free mental space I had remaining to becoming a media watch dog. Once out of college and in the midst of a hectic political campaign where information overload was the first line of the job description, I still tried to absorb the news from several different sources daily on top of everything else expected of me.  Every day was filled with overwhelm.

Then there came the critical moment in my life, the moment that if mapped out on a timeline would look something like a black hole, that I finally found the volume knob on my information feed and turned it completely off.

As you might imagine this was the time I spent re-evaluating what I really wanted to do with my life, what would make me most happy and what I had to do to get there. This was when I became an entrepreneur. It was during these critical weeks that I simply had no time or concern left for a high-information diet. All I knew was that what I was currently doing was making me miserable and I needed to stop it all in order to pinpoint the cause. So what happened when I stopped checking my phone and email, turned off the TV and closed the newspaper? Absolutely nothing. Nothing blew up, nothing burned down, I wasn’t accused of being ignorant and my career wasn’t the least bit affected. In fact, for the first time in a long time I found myself with some free time and free mental space to dedicate to things I actually cared about. The news feeds in my email no longer existed to serve as another to-do and I wasn’t under the same stress to absorb every piece of information around me and store it for later use.

I didn’t become blissfully ignorant, I became selectively ignorant.

So you might expect that with the start of my own business, I began to work this information back into my daily routine. You might even expect for me to brag about how many news sources I consume in a single day or how my finger is always on the pulse of the universe. This simply isn’t so. I still continue to enjoy a low-information diet to this day and I truly believe the benefits I receive from this are far more important and impactful than what I would receive returning to my old routine. My day begins by immediately getting to client work – not slogging through news headlines that may or may never be of any value. My inbox isn’t overloaded with unimportant emails that are basically self-inflicted spam. Most importantly, my mental focus has drastically improved from where it was years ago. I feel clear, calm and collected. This allows me to complete projects more efficiently which in return gives me even more free time. I turn this time into far more meaningful results than simply absorbing the chaos of the news world. Most enjoyable, I’ve found a fountain of focus to write and really dig deep into my thoughts. It’s this low-information diet that helps fuel the Bennis Inc Blog.

Ultimately, by exposing myself to far less information, I only expose myself to the right information. When I do choose to read or learn something, it is far more likely to be absorbed fully and used immediately. I‘m no longer in the business of seeking and storing information that can’t be of immediate value.  When I need information, I get it on demand. This has proven to be far more effective than reading, storing and trying to recall that same information through years and years of mental clutter. But most noteworthy is how moving away from a high-information diet has completely changed my mood, my sense of overwhelm and my amount of free time. I still fear becoming ignorant or oblivious to the outside world, but I now know this has no correlation to the amount of news I force feed myself in a day. As long as we remain hungry for knowledge and seek it out as we need it, we will stay as informed as we want to be –without the overwhelm or overload.

What type of information diet do you exist on? What do you think would change if you made the switch to a low-information diet? Share your personal experience with information overload or cutting it off completely!

 

Special Post: Re-Living The Wedding Of Our Dreams

It’s not often that I delve too deep into my personal life on my blog, but as many of you may recall I’ve shared several key moments of my engagement and wedding that both took place in 2012. The profound impact these milestones have had on my life was simply too big not to share with you in some way. And so I want to now share with you the full story of my happy ending. The story of how I met Scott, his creative engagement and our fairytale wedding were all beautifully captured by the talented Dream Weddings TV crew and aired live on our NBC affiliate on Sunday, February 10, 2013. Words alone can’t express how grateful we are to our vendors and generous family and friends who all shared a role in making this possible for us. And as for all the creative details and special touches, I’ll let the video tell the story!

Whether you’re also planning a wedding or are just looking for some creative inspiration, please check out these wonderful businesses and individuals who helped to create our beautiful day!

Baldy Beard Brew – Signature beer creation, “The Dirty Shirley”

This nano-brewery is the next big thing to hit beer! Not only do they create a delicious product, they deliver it with a big dose of personality and humor. We had a great time getting to know the Baldy Beard guys as we brewed our own beer for our wedding. And now I’d love to help them reach their dream of opening their own brewery in York, PA–consider supporting their Kick Starter Campaign here! #DrinkWithFriends

CARMINA-CRISTINA Professional Makeup – Bridal makeup

A fabulous friend and an even more fabulous professional makeup artist! Carmina created a wedding look for me that I could have only dreamed of. And with the rain–her expert products and techniques were a day-saver. Her international background and training really shines through her work. I still use her products and techniques almost daily.

Dennis Baker Photography – Engagement and wedding photography

The day’s rain made no easy task of capturing the stunning wedding photos that Dennis did. It takes a truly talented professional to work under such extreme circumstances, organize a wedding party of almost 20 people and keep posed photos to just an hour. Not more than a day after we said “I do” our wedding photos were already uploaded and ready for viewing!

Dream Weddings – Filming and TV production

We feel truly lucky to have had the opportunity to work with the Dream Weddings TV crew. They were just as excited about our love story and our wedding plans as we were and their enthusiasm helped to make the whole planning experience that much more special. Be sure to check out their site where you can watch episodes from all their seasons! Also–a big shout out goes to host Martine Cajas who also runs House of Clarendon, the premiere cakery based in Lancaster, PA

Flowers by JDK – Wedding flowers

The professionals at JDK rose to the challenge of a tight floral budget and a big wedding! All we gave them was a color scheme and described the feel of our wedding and they did the rest to be sure our bouquets, centerpieces and accents were anything but expected or ordinary!

Hess Tent Rentals – Tent and dance floor rentals

When you’re planning an outdoor August wedding, you have to plan for heat and rain (and we experienced both in extremes). This is why we were so lucky to have a huge tent big enough to accommodate “Plan B” and the professionals of Hess Tent Rentals to work with us up to the last minute to see that we were covered–literally.

JoS A. Bank – Groomsmen suits

Among the most common groomsman complaint for a wedding is spending a good amount of money on renting a tux that you’ll never see or get to use again. With the help of a very generous contact at the JoS A. Bank store in State College, PA, we were able to get our groomsmen (and almost every man in our families) a top of the line suit for under the price of a tux rental. It’s worth thinking outside the box here! Though I may not get to wear my wedding dress at any upcoming occasion I can think of, Scott has gotten a ton of use out of his wedding suit in just the past 6 months.

Lavon Films – Wedding videography

Derek and his crew put some major hours into our wedding filming and editing. The pressure of capturing every intimate moment from a wedding is a lot to manage, but they made it look like it’s what they were born to do (and maybe because it is)! Thrown into the midst of tears, rain and last minute changes in plans – they somehow turned this footage into only peaceful and happy memories on film!

MixedUp Productions – Wedding ceremony and reception music

There’s no doubt that music can make or break the mood of any event – and for a wedding the stakes are even higher. Damian from MixedUp Productions rose to the occasion with a perfect blend of music to match our ceremony, cocktail hour, dinner and dancing late into the night. Owner, Mike Miller also made a guest appearance at the end to add a very personal touch!

Mountz Jewelers – Engagement and wedding rings

I won’t deny that when I get a particular vision for what I want, it’s hard to settle for anything else. Lucky for me (and especially Scott) we had the perfect hometown jeweler to meet our every request. From a custom built engagement ring where Scott got to hand-select the diamond, to a one-of-a-kind wedding band designed to perfectly match it’s unique shape–Mountz provided our sparkle.

Salon Evolve – Bridal hair

You can’t beat the convenience of a salon that’s located within walking distance from your front door. But more than location made this the perfect fit for our wedding party. Owner, Dana met our every (even last minute) request and his stylists quickly and beautifully styled our hair to exact specifications. There was no stress, no drama and more than enough time to even enjoy some wine before the ceremony!

7 Layer Designs – Custom created wedding invitations

Owner, Jess is one talented lady! She had no problem offering me a ton of options for custom-designed wedding invitations that were anything but “out of the box.” I wanted the invites to match our style, our wedding colors and to stay within a tight budget. Jess hand-stamped, cut and folded nearly 200 invites and helped me get them out well before the 6-week time frame (even with wax sealing involved)!

Tara’s Bridal – Wedding dress

My wedding dress buying experience would have been very different had I not been recommended to Tara’s Bridal shop in Camp Hill, PA. They only sell samples and there’s usually just one of each dress, so unique and couture is their specialty. But what really made my first dress stop also my last, was that the prices start as low as $300 – making high-quality wedding dresses extremely accessible for every bride and budget. I don’t want to think about what I would have paid elsewhere for a much lesser dress…

The Harrisburg Senators – Rehearsal dinner reception

As we mentioned in the Dream Wedding video, so much of our wedding was about relationships. Scott’s special relationship with the Harrisburg Senators baseball team allowed us a very unique rehearsal dinner where we rented a suite in the stadium. Guests enjoyed some upscale ballpark food, baseball, fireworks and Scott throwing out the first pitch!

Weddings by JDK – Food, rentals and event coordination

Amanda and Steve with JDK were our heaven-sent helpers who worked tirelessly to create our dream wedding while staying within our very real budget. It helps when your friends are also talented professionals who work for the premiere catering/wedding company in Harrisburg! JDK handled everything from design, event rentals, menu creation and flower coordination to day-of event set-up and all the clean-up afterward. Let’s just say it takes a dedicated army to pull off that type of work!

Weddings by Paul V – Engagement photography

Paul is an extremely talented photographer based in the Harrisburg, PA area. His work is found in a ton of trendy publications and he can also be found snapping shots of downtown night life on the weekends. We were so lucky to have Paul’s talent capture the exact setting of our engagement at 4 different locations along the riverfront of Harrisburg.

 

The Most Dangerous Risk of All

Entrepreneurs are often given the credit for being the risk-takers. We are the ones pictured as taking the leap of faith and throwing our careers and concerns for stability aside to begin something all our own. While there is a great reward in store for those who make it to the other side, this comes at the risk of miscalculating our steps, not making ends meet and losing it all for something that adds up to absolutely nothing. This is a large risk no doubt, but I no longer see this as the most dangerous risk we stand to take in life. The most dangerous risk of all is the risk of spending your life not doing what you want on the bet that you can buy yourself the freedom to do it later. It’s the risk most of us take every day in our life and in our careers, not by consciously making risky choices, but by subconsciously burying them deep within. It’s not the risk of losing comfort and stability that we should be most scared of, it’s the risk of never knowing anything else.

I used to be one of these dangerous risk takers. I remember thinking that if I could hang in there so many more years I would be able to ensure a stable retirement package. This would have cost me almost a decade more of my life, yet I was willing to look at it as a worthy investment of my time all for the promise of finally being able to do what I really wanted several more decades down the road. I was only 23 yet I was sitting there, in my windowless cubicle, convincing myself that doubling the years of my life with work I felt no passion toward was the smart and stable investment. In retrospect, the “quarter-life crisis” that came on not too many weeks later and seen by some as reckless and arrogant, truly saved my life.

We all have a life that can be saved. This doesn’t mean we need to be to the point of depression or dark thoughts, this simply means we all have years of our life that we are at the risk of misusing with meaningless work unless some inspiration or motivation should force us to see our future one of two ways. If you’re unhappy with where you are right now, whether this is in your personal life or your career, you can take one type of risk which is to change it. With this, you risk being pushed outside your comfort zone, thrown into entrepreneurial survival mode and challenged to explore who you really are and what you’re made of. This is not comfortable nor is it stable. Or you can take another type of risk which is to do absolutely nothing. It may not feel like you’re making an active decision to take such a risk, which is what makes it the most dangerous risk of all. It’s the risk that slowly creeps into our lives disguised as comfort and stability. Only years later can we look back and see that at the risk of keeping these two crutches, we lost years spent living something much more fulfilling.

With so much emphasis placed on retirement as the time in our lives when we can finally do what we actually want, it becomes engrained in us early on that we must work the majority of our lives to fully enjoy it only when we’re old. But what about fully enjoying life while you’re young? This doesn’t come with the recommendation of quitting your job with no plan or living life as an aimless drifter. Much to the contrast, this comes with the recommendation of having a very specific plan that aligns you with making a passionate living and creating an extraordinary life at every age. It means setting goals and taking the initiative to meet them – something that dangerous risk takers don’t do. And it means creating the type of life that you’re excited to live every day, not just when you’re 55 and ½.

While you may not think you embody a real risk taker, just remember that if you’re not willing to risk it all…you already are.

 

Moment versus Momentum: Learning to Harness Fleeting Inspiration

While pursuing a career in the uncharted territory of entrepreneurship, I frequently encounter other entrepreneurs along my journey. Some are decades ahead of where I am (and hope to be) and others are merely minutes into their decision to take the leap. Among this group of individuals, the veteran entrepreneurs always seem to have at least one quality in common regardless of industry or age—they have momentum. For the greener entrepreneurs, I struggle to access whether they possess this same momentum or whether their inspiration is merely a fleeting moment. The difference in the meaning of these two words – and the affect they have on the success or failure of a dream – is far more profound than two little letters. Rather this “um” holds the inspiration, the drive and the courage to turn a single moment into a momentous career.

Is your dream a mere moment or does it carry momentum?

Among your friends and acquaintances, think about those who you would consider a dreamer or an entrepreneurial spirit. Chances are you have a variety. These people are likely different, each with their own qualities that earn them a spot in this category. Now think about those in this group who have taken a goal or idea and are in the active process of taking it to the next level. Chances are this no longer applies to everyone you originally thought of. Maybe those that don’t fit this description more accurately fit the description of coming up with brilliant and creative ideas one day, but then you never hear or see anything more about it. This is the truest differentiation I can illustrate for you between moment and momentum. I, too, have contacts that I would consider entrepreneurs at heart, but this doesn’t mean every one of them has become a real life entrepreneur. Instead, there are those who think of innovative ideas all the time, but I’ve learned to not get too excited for they’re just having “a moment.” By the next month or even the next day, the big plan for a life change has already been forgotten as quickly as it was conceived.

How do we harness this moment of inspiration and turn it into momentum?

At the root of this problem are the differing qualities of each individual. Not everyone is meant to be an entrepreneur, just like not everyone is meant to be a doctor or a rocket scientist. We all have different strengths and for some, this is taking an idea from conception to completion. For others – this is a weakness. But just like how you were told when you were little that, “you can be anything you want when you grow up,” you CAN become an entrepreneur and find your inner momentum regardless of prior failed attempts. You have at least two options to better harness your moments of inspiration and turn them into something more substantial.

First, you can commit to making a personal effort to stop the bad habits that have led to loss of momentum in the past. This includes procrastination, lack of confidence, fear of hard work or fear of failure. Just as you would commit to quit smoking or lose weight, changing any existing habit takes energy and effort. Pick a single, well-defined goal and create a timeline of specific actions. When I knew I wanted to begin my own business, I defined all the steps I had to take to reach the point of leaving my former job. I knew I needed a functional web site, enough clients to pay the bills and to register myself as an official business with the government. And so I added these to my timeline and was specific in the actions I had to take to achieve them. Every day I would assign myself one immediate thing I could do to further this timeline, whether it was sending an email to a prospective client or creating a blog. These immediate action items prevented me from falling victim to procrastination or overwhelm because they kept me on track and made me feel accomplished each and every day. Over the course of a week and then a month, these actions ultimately came together to achieve my bigger goal. I still use this tactic when I’m in a phase of business growth.

If you’ve tried or are trying to change your habits to become a person of momentum, but it just isn’t picking up as quickly as you’d like – it might be time to consider the second option. You can team up with another person or group of people who will provide complimentary skills to help turn an idea into reality. Not every business is a sole proprietorship and that’s because sometimes working together is the only way to achieve a goal of a certain scope or size.  If you have an idea for a product, but have no knowledge or direction on where to start with manufacturing it; find a partner who can provide expertise and connections in this area. A partner or team will also keep you accountable to your ideas and actions. It’s not so easy to let a dream fade if the dream is shared by many different people.

In talking with even the most successful entrepreneur, I would be shocked to hear that they never once had a failed idea or fleeting inspiration prior to their current business. To find our true calling, we must allow our mind to wander as creatively as it chooses without feeling pressured to turn every idea into reality. But when you do dream up an idea that you can envision changing your world, or the world of many others, you must find a way to harness this inspiration and keep it moving. Sometimes all it takes to turn a moment into momentum is the willingness to change yourself or team up with others…and of course a little “um!”