Panic Does Not Equal Passion

For better or for worse, I seem to be pulled toward career paths that are not for the faint of heart. Just when I caught my breath from a whirlwind statewide gubernatorial election, it took merely 4 short months before I needed that adrenaline rush again. I craved the feeling of having meaningful tasks to keep me so busy that I was racing against the clock, not watching it countdown until quitting time.

After campaign life, where showers and haircuts were a luxury and 5pm wasn’t quitting time – it was merely the half point mark of your day, I swore I was done. Once was enough for me. I earned my badge and can say I did it, but I wasn’t going back. I was ready for a steady 9-5 job where I could make plans with friends and actually keep them. But then the boredom crept in. At first it was a pleasant boredom, the type you’re happy to get used to. But then even my best time-wasting tasks were leaving me with hours of the day unfilled. Slowly but surely I was developing “cubicle fever.” My maximum workload had been pushed to such limits on the campaign, that this has become the only work pace I now know. As much as I craved a normal work schedule, I had been trained to function like a one-person department and there was no going back. It’s like riding a train going 80mph and suddenly falling off and coming to a complete stop. When dropped back into the real world, I could no longer relate. So as many of you who have followed my journey thus far know, I took the leap and created my own Public Relations business as a way to again find that whirlwind work pace that has become my metric for normal.

Almost a year later and I’ve found myself ramped up to campaign speed again. The biggest difference is, this time around I call the shots. I can take unlimited time-off so long as I plan ahead and get my work done or take it with me as I travel (yes, from time to time I still have to call upon my envelope stuffing skills, but you won’t find me doing door-to-door voter polls anytime soon). I’m working now harder than ever, and depending on the week, am even busier than I was the week before Election Day on the campaign; however, I’ve realized one profound truth from these two experiences.

Panic does not equal passion.

On the campaign it was normal for people to be run around like a chicken with their head cut off and there were certainly circumstances that called for panic. But in many cases I believe people would overact with stress and drama as a way to declare their passion for their work. I’m a calm person by nature and I handle stress best internally. This led to one or more occasions on the campaign where my commitment was questioned. But I can assure you – anyone who is NOT committed on a campaign would not last more than a week. It’s a frustrating position to be put in. Do you give in and act panicked just to declare your passion? Or do you do nothing and risk your dedication and hard work being written off as less than your very best? The only answer I’ve been able to form came years later….it was starting my own business where the proof of my passion is my quality of work and my cool head and calm demeanor has become the signature characteristic of Bennis Inc.

I know that the panic vs. passion struggle is not limited to campaign life. I saw it emerging in various forms in my other jobs. Two people can get the same amount of work done in a day even if one leaves at 5pm and the other at 9pm. The late worker shouldn’t be award a medal of honor for staying late if he took a 2 hour lunch and surfed the web for an hour. So much is dependent upon your leadership style and how you react under pressure. In a salaried job and in campaign life, there is no reward for working efficiently – more work is simply piled on. I’m grateful that if I work smarter and get my task list done for the day, I am rewarded with a flexible afternoon or the ability to take on more work and earn more money. But more than anything, I’m grateful that I don’t have to give in to panicking just to prove my passion.

Keep calm and carry on.

 

The Two-Day Truce: Reclaiming Respect for the Weekend

I can’t be the only one to confess that my blood pressure raises and eyes dilate when I hear the all too familiar “Ding!” of my phone when a new email comes in. I’m like one of Ivan Pavlov’s dogs, except instead of salivating, I’m overcome with the urge to immediately check my phone and respond instantly with an answer to or acknowledgement of the pending request. This mindset can make for a stressful week, but apply it to the 2-days we’re supposed to allow ourselves for rest and relaxation each weekend and this flirts on the brink of insanity.

As a new business owner, I’m told – this too shall pass. But what if it doesn’t? What if fate should have it that my obsession with instantaneous answers isn’t linked to my young entrepreneurship, but rather the growing trend in technology? Now we’re no longer flirting on the brink of insanity, we’re outright courting it with a fancy dinner and bottle of wine.

I can’t help but fantasize with the idea of living in a 1950’s office environment just for contrast. What was it possibly like to lock the door on your business at 5pm Friday and be unreachable until 9am Monday? Moreover, what was it like to wait around for a written memo to be passed from office to office until an answer was returned hours…or days later? The TV show Mad Men might give us a glimpse into this lifestyle, but we will never truly know what it is like to live it. What some might see as a business-stifling, slow communication process, I see as the key to a work-life balance. With the aid of ever-connecting technology, we have officially become accessible at all hours of the day and so we have trained ourselves, and our peers, to expect immediate responses regardless of weekends, holidays and once in a lifetime occasions like weddings, funerals and even the birth of our own children.

I acknowledge that I’m somewhat at fault for this. I check emails on my phone with the same repetition in which I breathe or blink. And answering emails on the weekend only encourages conversation because I voluntarily make myself accessible. So this weekend it stops. I want that 2-day break; I earned that 2-day break – and so did you. So why do we continue to choose to watch our phones rather than watch a movie with our significant other? Why do we use our weekends to pitch to a potential client when we could be pitching to our son or nephew on a beautiful sunny day?

Let’s call a truce. Let’s work hard this week so we can designate this weekend for rest and relaxation. But I can’t do it alone. I challenge each of you to limit your emails this weekend to urgent communication only. Ask yourself, “Can it wait until Monday?” And then get out there and enjoy an entire Saturday and Sunday to yourself. Lock your email, just as you would your office door, at 5pm on Friday and open it again Monday at 9am. I promise you that calling a Two Day Truce, won’t result in the demise of your business, but more likely will result in allowing others to also reclaim the respect for their own weekend.

 

A Non-Traditional Administrative Professional’s Day

This is the first Administrative Professionals Day that I haven’t worked in a traditional office to enjoy the flowers, cards and generous spread of cookies and cakes that seem to always accompany this holiday. But I realized, that while I work in a non-traditional office, I do have an Administrative Assistant, she’s just a non-traditional one. And so today, I’d like to take a moment to give Pinot the thanks and attention she demands of me …deserves. So enjoy your exceptionally big bowl of “Special Kitty” and take an extra long nap today — because we both know that’s the only time I get any work done. Today’s to you, Pinot. And Happy Administrative Professionals day to my less furry friends as well!

This is a normal occurrence - Pinot being creepy and staring at me while I try to get work done. All in a day's work...

 

It Is What YOU Make It (Guest Blog by Detra Trueheart)

The following blog post is part of the Bennis Blogger Battle. Support Detra by “Liking” this post, leaving a comment and sharing it on your social media! The blog with the most hits, wins. (And remember, this is the LAST entry in the Blogger Battle, so stay tuned next week when we enthusiastically announce the winner!)

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On my way home from vacation this past week, I began thinking about how one event or circumstance can drastically alter and affect how we view ourselves or life in general.  It got me thinking about one of my signature keynotes entitled, ‘IT is what you make it’.  It talks about how there will be many things in life that will happen but our IT (whatever that may be at that time in your life) is what we make it.  It is our perspective that will drastically affect how we view what happens to us.   Your IT may be your job, your business, your marriage, your finances, your confidence level, or your health.  But whatever your IT is, it is what you make it.  YOU have the power to make your ‘IT’ what you desire it to be.

For the Easter holiday, my family and I vacationed in Cape Cod, MA.  We had a great time and returned home safely.  However, the trip could have been looked at as something less than spectacular if you had gotten a speeding ticket 3 hours into the drive, arrived drastically later than anticipated, cut your hand while washing one of the resort’s glasses resulting in a visit to the emergency to get four stitches in your hand and weather that wasn’t so great as well.  But I live by a mantra that says “IT is what you make it”.  I decided to make my IT, my vacation, what I wanted to be in spite of some of the shortcomings.

You should know that your IT can be whatever you want it to be at any time of your life in whatever situation you find yourself in.  My IT was my vacation and my firm decision not to let any of the aforementioned things damper my mood.  My expectations to have a good time and enjoy myself resulted in that very thing happening.

So let me ask you….. What is your IT?  Are you making your situation larger or smaller than it needs to be?  Are you expecting something great to happen or are you just letting it happen.  You see, what you think about your bring about.  What you expect, you get.  Making up your mind before your IT is affected puts you in the mindset to not let what happens to you impact or shake you.  Henry Ford said “Whether you think you can or can’t, you are right.” The understanding is that whatever you think is right.  You have the power to determine your own perception of your life and what may be happening currently in your life. Did you know that according to T. Harv Eker author of the “Secrets of the Millionaire Mindset, your mind is your biggest obstacle to success.  No matter what has happened to you in your past, whether you think you can get past it or not depends on if you think you can or can’t.

Well my challenge to you is to look within.  Look inside yourself, you have the power to create whatever you put your mind to.  Will it be easy, absolutely Not!  But, YOU can make a decision to be BETTER no BITTER because in the end, IT is what you make it!

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Detra M. Trueheart is a professional speaker and life and empowerment coach. Her company, TrueheartSpeaks Enterprises, is dedicated to helping individuals live life IN and ON purpose. Detra is also the President/Founder of the Young Miss Buffalo Pageant: Scholarship & Enrichment Program (ymbp.org) serving girls ages 13-17. If you want to find out how Detra can help you life with more purpose, passion and power, visit http://www.trueheartspeaks.com

 

One Cell, One Lesson (Guest Blog by A Dear Friend)

The following blog post is part of the Bennis Blogger Battle. Support the author by “Liking” this post, leaving a comment and sharing it on your social media! The blog with the most hits, wins.

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The human body has many diverse mechanisms to maintain high quality cell reproduction. Mutation 1.
The human body has a cell, sometimes, that does not duplicate itself correctly. Mutation 2.
The human body has other cells which can, most often, detect that something is wrong. Mutation 3.
The human body has cells whose sole responsibility is to annihilate a rogue cell. Mutation 4.
The human body has a beautiful system that prioritizes the division of resources to cells. Mutation 5.
The human body has positive and negative feedback loops to maintain perfect equilibrium. Mutation 6.
The human body has safeguards to detect if a cell is using more resources than is fair. Mutation 7.
The human body has 7 distinct defenses to destroy a rogue cell before it becomes cancer. Mutation 8.

It is not mine. It is someone I love. She is my mother.

My world has suddenly become small. My priorities have been simplified. We humans sometimes forget
how good it is until it is not. We never revel in the ability to turn our heads to the left until we wake up with a crick in our neck. We forgot our pride in our country until the towers came down. Often we need a reminder to remember what should be cherished. I will always regret the missed opportunities of the
past; however, I will not let it devour me. I do not believe in the credo that one should live life
without regret. There is no shame in regret, yet there is much shame in not learning from it.

I never truly knew hope. Hope was always bitterly paired with unrequited love. I never truly knew joy. Joy was always a heady, impetuous night of revelry. I never truly knew love. Love was always an ethereal concept with no tangible proof.

I am learning Hope through the optimism of my father. I am learning Joy through incremental improvements in my mother. I am learning Love through the earnest support of my family and friends.

My time with my mother may be short. It may not be. We just don’t know. That is out of my hands and I am learning to accept that. It is not easy to know that I can only control that which is within my own power.

I do not pretend to have any profound message for you, nor do I have any good suggestions on how to live life. Still, if I may offer the one insight that I have gleaned through all of this:

Never miss an opportunity to tell someone you love them. Every day.

The author of this blog post is a personal friend and has chosen to remain anonymous, but still wishes to express some of the personal truths that he has stumbled upon (He is also really hoping to win that free cup of coffee). If this message has touched you, please share it, Like it or comment on it. We’re never alone…and we are ALL loved.

 

Success Versus the Work-Life Balance (Guest Blog by Sam Bessant)

The following blog post is part of the Bennis Blogger Battle. Support Sam by “Liking” this post, leaving a comment and sharing it on your social media! The blog with the most hits, wins.

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In this day and age it is often assumed that one cannot be truly successful at work whilst also being successful in other areas of their life. We hear a lot about work-life balance and in the movies at least, the most successful executives are portrayed as sorely lacking in the social environment. Is this really the case though, and if it is, what can we do about it?

To gain some perspective on the subject, I posed the question to a selection of people I know and the answers that came back were as varied as the people that gave them. They ranged from working for a boss who likes you, having free evenings and turning your work mobile off outside of working hours to loving your work so much that it is your life. It was this last answer that really got me thinking as it’s the one which is most ambiguous. On the one hand, your work being your life might be a great thing if it means that your work flexes to fit into everything that you do. On the other side of the fence, is that top executive whose work is their life as there is no life for the work to flex around.

So how do you know if your work / life ratio is actually balanced? Well, the first thing you need to consider is what “balanced” actually means to you. What are your priorities and how much do you enjoy your work? If your main priority in life is to get to the top then you might be happy to spend 3 times as many hours working in comparison to how many you have for socializing per week. However, if you work merely to pay the bills and dislike your job intensely, you may want to flip that ratio on its head.

Essentially, a work life balance is as unique as the person whose work and life are in question. A true balance comes from within, from the feeling of contentedness that comes with happiness. After all, regardless of personal differences and aspirations, we all only live once; so for most of us the aim is to be happy for as much of that life as possible. My advice to you would be to weigh how much of your life is spent happy vs. how much is spent in discontentment. If you fall on the side of happy the majority of the time, you’ve most likely got your work / life balance right and that may be working 20 hours per week or working 60 hours per week. It’s really not about work vs. life, it’s about happiness and how you balance the elements of your life to achieve it.

Sam Bessant is 26 and lives in Reading, UK. She currently works the standard office 9-6 whilst trying to finalize the direction she will take to start her own business. Sam’s blog, 20somethingfreak was created to help Sam and others understand what it is to be in your 20s and for Sam to share some of the millions of daydreams she has every day! Please support Sam by “Liking” this post, leaving a comment below and visiting her personal blog: www.20somethingfreak.wordpress.com.

 

Quarter Life Crisis As An Indicator of Differentiation (Guest Blog by Todd Shirley)

The following blog post is part of the Bennis Blogger Battle. Support Todd by “Liking” this post, leaving a comment and sharing it on your social media! The blog with the most hits, wins. (I should also mention that Wednesday March 7th is his birthday–so be sure to give him some extra love!)

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While presenting a workshop and working late, a close friend from childhood sent me an email that hinted at the hidden influence his loved ones continue to have over his career decisions.  While reading it,  I felt confused at how such an independent soul could be stuck in an unsatisfying career.

As a self proclaimed “counselor nerd”, who loves both of his jobs, I felt the best way to understand his predicament was to think of it in terms of a continuum (counselor nerds love continuums). At one end of this continuum sits enmeshment- the process of moving close to an individual or group. At the other end sits differentiation- the process of recognizing you are separate from others and their expectations. People cycle through periods of enmeshment and differentiation throughout their lives.  It’s also possible to experience them simultaneously in a paradox that is always difficult. Career development is the stage for which this paradox plays out in two dramatic ways.

This paradox manifests in an ugly manner when people take a prescribed path while recognizing they resent doing so. Ever hear of a mid-life crisis? People who don’t untangle this manifestation of the paradox at their quarter life crisis end up with a mid life crisis.

The other manifestation of this paradox is much prettier.  I’ve seen it play out with loved ones when they moved across the country to take a new job despite a dramatic drop in salary and prestige. Their career shifts were expressions of being differentiated from outside influences. This prevents the mid life crisis.

My friend’s email outlined themes regarding going through the motions of work and his reservations about pursuing a line of work he wants. With the continuum above, his job struggle is clearly linked to a familiar identity struggle. There are some points I’ll quote in an effort to illustrate his concerns in the context of our friendship:

1. Money will always be of concern to me. The last thing I want is to burden my friends and family because I am broke and can’t make it.
Reading it took me back to a difficult two year chapter in my own life.  My wife and I were differentiating from each other. I was intensely afraid that our inevitable split would burden my family.  Through hours of conversation- where he was sincere and genuine- he helped show me I’d be OK and my family would too. If he’s broke, I could care less.  He and I have had great times in our adult lives without money.

2. What monumental thing have I accomplished while unemployed?

The time unemployed he references in this rhetorical question was a period of 5 weeks. He was looking for work because he had to move due to his wife’s career. His self consciousness overshadows his hard work.  He ran his first marathon in under three hours and thirty minutes. Built an amazing desk. AND found a job with improved pay and working conditions over his last one. If those three things aren’t monumental, I’m not sure what is…. I don’t think I’ve done anything like that in the last year while employed.

In times past, he’s proven himself to put time in at a job he hates to pursue new heights. This time for him is no different from any other identity struggle he’s pulled through in the past.  His loved ones are waiting for him to make his move…

Todd Shirley works a full time as a school counselor and carries a caseload of clients who are in the foster care system. When he is not working, he is reading, working out, cooking paleo and discussing all that is arbitrary about life. Oh-and his favorite animal is the manatee. Please support Todd by “Liking” this post or by leaving a comment below!

Oh–and HAPPY BIRTHDAY Todd!

 

A New Kind of Valentine’s Day

Before I get right in to this week’s blog post, I wanted to first thank you for showing such interest and support for the Bennis Blog Battle! This is going to be a really fun, ongoing series of guest blogging and I can’t wait to read what you’re working on. Everyone is invited to join in, so please read through the details, pull open a new word doc and get writing!

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Now as a full blown weekly blogger (whether I’ll own up to it or not), I’m more aware than ever as a new week approaches because it means making time to sit down and write. This is a habit I’m happy to have, but it’s brought to my attention that time truly does fly by and life happens whether you’re watching or not. I feel like I’ve just gotten settled from the holidays and New Year and already tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. I’m sure many of you can relate when I say that Valentine’s Day, out of all holidays, brings an added element of stress and anxiety for most of us. It’s not a holiday that earns us a day off work, it inconveniently falls on whatever day of the week it chooses and accidentally wishing someone a Happy Valentine’s Day when they’re single or recently broken-hearted is more embarrassing than wishing a Jewish person Merry Christmas.

Why is this? How does one little holiday centered on the celebration of love develop such a crowd of haters? Sure, it does slightly feel like an illegitimate holiday because of the consumerism and hype that often comes with it. But in the dreary depths of winter, a day dedicated to expressing the warmth of love sounds pretty nice—and I’m not just saying that because Hallmark told me to. I have an idea for this Valentine’s Day that we can all try out and it doesn’t involve agonizing over a card, waiting in line at a crowded restaurant or throwing a pity party for your singleness. I believe Valentine’s Day has much more opportunity than any of this stuff. If we allow it, it can be a great reminder that love is a power we all possess and if we express it together, the world can be a pretty amazing place for a day…a week…a year.

Imagine tomorrow, if we carry some extra love in our hearts—we might leave the house for work happy to be alive not angry to be in a rush. We might give someone a compliment that they will carry with them for years after. We might take some extra time out of our day to help a co-worker with a project just as they’re on the verge of giving up. And we might repair a lost friendship with an overdue, but much needed, phone call. You see, Valentine’s Day can be about so much more than romance and roses—it can about be demonstrating genuine kindness and living a day entirely “in love” with life.

Tomorrow is really nothing special, it’s just another day. But it can serve as a great starting point for us to be a little kinder and a little more appreciative of the loving relationships we have all around us.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

 

With This Ring

On Saturday, January 14^th my life changed forever. The man that has been my best friend, business advisor and better half, Scott Shirley, asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. And without a breath of hesitation, I said yes! Every day since then it’s felt like Christmas, waking up to the best present I could ask for—a lifetime with my soul mate. Because I openly share so much about my life with my blogging friends and followers each week, it’s only natural that I would also share the excitement of my engagement with you as well.

As I tend to do with every milestone in my life, I reflect deeply upon what this symbolizes. And this one is quite special. The ring on my left hand symbolizes a promise and a vow that I take very seriously. It’s a vow that will witness the passing of decades and the birth of new generations. As it sparkles and shines with barely a week of age, I’m brought back to the memory of my mother’s diamond ring. Her ring has been worn and tarnished by life’s most precious and beautiful moments. It’s a ring that I’ve known ever since I was a child and can’t possibly imagine her without. Close in age to my mother when she first received hers, I imagine what precious moments of my own life will be witnessed by this ring.

This ring will wrap around my father’s arm as he walks me down the aisle this August. It will take my husband’s hand for the first time as we say our vows and turn the key to our first house. This ring will rock babies to sleep and change countless diapers over the years. It will cook, clean, fold and work hard. It will fit perfectly into my husband’s hand as we walk and lay softly on his chest as we fall asleep. It will clap for joy in the happiest of moments and wipe away tears during the saddest.  It will witness graduations, marriages and grandchildren. And finally, when this ring outlives my own life, it will be passed on to my children to forever remember the beauty of our love and the life which it created.

It’s difficult to comprehend the amount of memories this ring will record. While its sparkle may never be able to show me my future or my past, it will always be there to serve as a reminder that life is precious and love is truly spectacular.

 

The New Years Resolution of a Lifetime

For so long I've surrounded myself with my business and career. My New Years resolution is to find the meaning beyond all of that.

I’ve never made a New Years resolution. Reflecting upon this single sentence, I’m amazed at how clearly it reflects the intricacies of my entire personality. First, I don’t like doing the easy, obvious or expected. In school, I would purposely choose to write a paper defending an opinion that was less supported and against common belief just to challenge myself to think outside the box. Second, I hate waiting around for anything, especially the first of the year to make a great life change that I could have started months ago.

Whether it’s because 2012 is my first year as a business owner or because it’s predicted to be the end of the world, for the first time I’ve found a clear and meaningful New Years resolution. I want to reconnect with God.

You may not have seen this as the type of resolution I was leading up to, neither did I at first. It’s been a goal of mine for quite some time that I’ve found a thousand other things to put before it. And so everything I initially disliked about creating New Years resolutions has now emerged as an opportunity to finally commit to this goal. I have much to be thankful for and many talents which I wish to use for a greater good. I want to develop a mature relationship with God that will allow me to keep a gracious heart and understand the world on a whole new spiritual level. Religion isn’t blindly believing, it’s actually questioning and challenging everything you know on a daily basis which is what I’ve been doing nearly my whole life without knowing what to call it.

Having now written it in words, I know this is a resolution to which I will commit. I have everything to gain from this goal—spirituality improves all other aspect of life—and have already taken my first step. I’ve found a church that resonates with exactly what I’ve been looking for. Lives Changed by Christ (LCBC) takes an intellectual and thought-provoking approach to religion. The hardest challenge will be making this a priority week after week and year after year. It’s a goal that can never be truly met. There is no end; it will take me a lifetime. Having never before made a New Years resolution I’m starting with what might be the most challenging one of all, but I’m not overwhelmed. I’m excited because I feel as though I’ve found the only New Years resolution I ever needed all along.