Making Christmas A Celebration Not An Obligation: The essentials for reducing holiday stress

If the advertisements, TV special and store decorations aren’t enough of an indication – the holidays are here! And so begins the preparation and the stress that often accompanies this time of year. I have never begun decorating before Thanksgiving and only once did I give in to Black Friday shopping (and believe me that was enough), but this year I feel the most organized and prepared as I ever have been. The decorations are up, the Christmas cards are ready to be mailed and the holiday cheer has definitely set in. It’s not because I’ve had any more time than in years’ past – in fact, I’ve likely had less. It’s because I’m starting to identify the key factors that allow for the holidays to be less frantic and more fun. They’re common sense really, but as soon as we see that first television commercial our brains seem to fill with eggnog and we tailspin into full Christmas chaos. Here are just a few ways in which I have and hope to continue to make Christmas a celebration, not an obligation:

It’s meant to be a team effort.

Our house is small and our decorations are just enough to give a warm feel of the holidays. But preparing our house for Christmas still would have been a daunting task for one person if it wasn’t for a second set of hands. The Sunday after Thanksgiving, when family had gone home and the dust (and dirt and crumbs) had settled, we dedicated our day to organizing, cleaning and then finally decorating. Amidst his incredibly busy work and travel schedule, my husband had a very rare free day in which to help me. He actually suggested this is how we spend our day together which set the tone that this wasn’t so much a chore as it was a memory.  I planned for a full day of dusting and decorating, but once we put on some Christmas music and divided and conquered the tasks, we were done in just several hours. I know that had I tried to tackle this on my own, we still wouldn’t be decorated for the Christmas and the nooks and crannies behind the couch certainly wouldn’t be as clean. What this experience taught me was that Christmas traditions are meant to be shared and in doing so they transform from a to-do into a want-to-do. We look forward to the warm glow of our Christmas lights every evening and this shared enjoyment is what makes decorating fun not frantic.

It doesn’t “sneak up” on you.

I hear this phrase a lot. “Wow, the holidays really snuck up on us this year, huh?” Not really. Christmas is very predictable. It’s the same date of the same month every year. If anything, the decorations in the mall and commercials on TV should give us even more time to prepare as they seem to start earlier and earlier each year. Yet no matter how stressful last year’s holiday preparations were, we fail to take action to prevent it from happening again…and again. If you mailed your Christmas cards on December 24^th last year, why not set a reminder in your phone to begin the process earlier next year? Writing Christmas cards, picking out a tree and buying gifts should be a loving and thoughtful experience. Any stress that comes along with it is unintended or misplaced. If you’ve made an effort to be more proactive and organized but are still left with a time deficit, then chances are you’re simply trying to do too much. So….

Simplify!

The holidays are made for tradition, but they should not take up so much of your time that you’re left with no time to actually enjoy everything for which they stand. The most important traditions should be carried on, but there are many that should also be let go. Determine what’s giving you the best return on investment (ROI) for your time. Sugar cookies made from scratch, hand painted Christmas ornaments and self-stamped wrapping paper are fun activities and beautiful memories, but don’t feel like you have to do all of them every single year. Enjoy the act of preparing for the holidays, but also remember to enjoy time with family and friends. Also, don’t be afraid to lower the bar. I imagine almost every other person you know is feeling a degree of stress and overwhelm as well. Simplify this Christmas with fewer, but more meaningful presents. Do a secret Santa or eliminate the pressure of presents altogether. Hopefully The Grinch that Stole Christmas has helped us to realize that it’s the time you spend with those you love (and the great food) that make the holidays special. Presents, cards and decorations are all just extra.

It’s a process.

So often I hear people boast that they’ve been decorated since Thanksgiving or their Christmas shopping was completely done by mid September and my inner response is, “Was it a race?” Preparing for the holidays is part of the celebration – it’s a process and balance. Rushing to get everything done and out of the way as soon as possible makes Christmas like any other task on your to-do list. I also can’t imagine you feel the same holiday cheer when shopping next to bathing suits and beach balls. Scrambling to buy that last present on Christmas Eve also makes the act of gift giving feel more like an obligation than a thoughtful gesture. Find a balance between the two, take time to sip the eggnog and when all else fails…simplify!

If you’re not having fun, you’re doing it wrong.

Finally and most importantly, you should be able to look back on your preparation for the holidays and smile while remembering some fond and funny moments. Even in the coldest and gloomiest months, you should feel warmer, brighter and friendlier. If you find that the holidays bring out the worst in you or your family, make you fight, feel angry or stressed, then something’s gotta give. Somewhere you’re missing the mark for what Christmas is truly all about. And once the holidays have come and gone, you shouldn’t be left feeling even worse—looking at the mounds of decorations that need put away or the heaping credit card debt. All of these are signs that a change needs to be made. Get back to the basics of what makes Christmas fun and special for you!

This holiday season be merry, be bright and….don’t be stressed!

 

My Entrepreneurial Milestone: One Year Later, One Year Happier

Sunday, July 15, 2012 was the official 1 year mark of my transition into entrepreneurship. I thought this day would hold more emotion for me like Christmas morning or my birthday, but oddly enough it felt just like any other day I’ve experienced this past year. But this is a great thing! I can say with conviction that I have felt content, fulfilled and passionate every day for the past 12 months and so waking up to one more day in this life was the only gift I could have ever wanted on the 1 year anniversary of starting Bennis Public Relations.

It’s hard to believe I’ve doubled the age of my business since my “Life As My Own Boss” blog post in January. At this point in my business, the measure of my success was more based upon my number of clients and percentage increase in revenue. But my 1 year entrepreneurial anniversary is much more personal. This milestone is more about me proving to myself that I can, and did, do it. I took the leap –and I landed. It’s like jumping off the bank of a river and landing on a moving raft. It takes a while to get your balance and those first critical moments determine whether you sink or float. Well at my one year mark, I know I’ve gained both balance and confidence in my business. From this point forward I’m ready to do more than just float; I’m ready to take control and steer.

When I say that this 1 year milestone is very personal, it’s because for so long my life has been sectioned into 1 year increments. My years throughout college were very well encapsulated into one year and my first job out of college, working on a statewide campaign, also had a definitive ending on Election Day which fell about 1 year after my start. The only job I had that did not have a predefined ending was the same job that propelled me into start my own business because I knew that if I was working there one year later, I would be disappointed, stifled and question my own self worth. So this one year mark brings with it quite a new feeling. If I were to repeat the last year for the next 40+ years of my life, I will be completely content and challenged all at the same time. And for me that is a wildly new feeling.

Yet this year held much more than just business milestones. I also made some of the biggest life changes I’ll ever make including moving to a new city, traveling to and working in more than 8 different states, saying “Yes” to the man of my dreams and planning our wedding in less than 7 months from the proposal. I do believe that when it rains it pours and this year I’ve been fortunate to have been showered with some of the most memorable moments and an open mentality that has allowed me to appreciate every single one of them.

And so one year later, with a business growing stronger every day and a wedding right around the corner, I know I have so much for which I can be thankful. Reflecting on this very rewarding moment, I realize that for all that has changed in 12 months, today I’m still working from home in my usual chair with that same little gray cat by my side as one year ago – and I’m utterly content. This gives me confidence that throughout the inevitable changes that will continue to come my way, life’s most simple joys are the constants that will always be there to help keep me afloat.

 

You Don’t Need the Best of Everything To Make the Best of Everything

Sometimes I don’t know what to count first. My blessings—or the little moments in life that make me stop and want to count my blessings. It was the second or third time I’ve used this particular cashier at a local shop. It’s the type of job that garners little respect or attention, no matter how frequent the customers or how pleasant the small talk. But this guy has grabbed my attention on more than one occasion for no better reason than he is completely, contagiously, happy. So many visual cues tell me this guy has a lot he could be frustrated about or unhappy with, but instead he bubbles over with such contentment for the life he’s been given that I have yet to walk out of the store without a smile.

After I leave his small glow of happiness, the real work begins to wear on me again. I hear negative comments from all around. People will yell when their phone isn’t working, complain about their job or become sarcastic when someone suggests an idea they don’t like. There’s a time and place for every emotion, but why do we first seem to resort to the negative reaction to a situation? I’m reminded of a phrase I’ve seen displayed in various ways that reads:

The happiest people don’t have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything.

It seems that some of the happiest people I have ever met are the ones who have fairly average lives. Some of these people have even dealt with major struggles and setbacks that would leave most of us feeling frustrated and pitiful. Instead, they’ve (knowingly or unknowingly) mastered the art of making the best of everything. These people aren’t naive nor are they complacent, they are simply happy, and what else is more important? If a magic genie came to grant you just one wish, I would say we’d all be smart to wish for happiness. Everything else is really secondary. Unfortunately, the people who have yet to figure this out are obvious. We can likely all pull up a real life example in our minds of a person, who on paper, is wealthy and successful, but knowing them deeper allows you to also know most of their life is spent feeling stressed, angry and unfulfilled. In contrast, are those who have learned that happiness is not having the best of everything; it’s making the best of everything.

Slowly, I too am learning to make the best of everything. Even the most unexpected and outrageous situations can be a reason to smile if you loosen up long enough to realize you’re simply not in control. Whether my career continues to excel or one day I have to take a different job to make ends meet, knowing that I have the power to be happy through anything makes any outcome okay. It’s an incredible realization that the stress we place on being happy can become the cause of our unhappiness.

Thinking back to that contagiously happy cashier, I would love to one day know that he finally got the life he dreamed of. But who am I to say that he hasn’t already?

 

One Cell, One Lesson (Guest Blog by A Dear Friend)

The following blog post is part of the Bennis Blogger Battle. Support the author by “Liking” this post, leaving a comment and sharing it on your social media! The blog with the most hits, wins.

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The human body has many diverse mechanisms to maintain high quality cell reproduction. Mutation 1.
The human body has a cell, sometimes, that does not duplicate itself correctly. Mutation 2.
The human body has other cells which can, most often, detect that something is wrong. Mutation 3.
The human body has cells whose sole responsibility is to annihilate a rogue cell. Mutation 4.
The human body has a beautiful system that prioritizes the division of resources to cells. Mutation 5.
The human body has positive and negative feedback loops to maintain perfect equilibrium. Mutation 6.
The human body has safeguards to detect if a cell is using more resources than is fair. Mutation 7.
The human body has 7 distinct defenses to destroy a rogue cell before it becomes cancer. Mutation 8.

It is not mine. It is someone I love. She is my mother.

My world has suddenly become small. My priorities have been simplified. We humans sometimes forget
how good it is until it is not. We never revel in the ability to turn our heads to the left until we wake up with a crick in our neck. We forgot our pride in our country until the towers came down. Often we need a reminder to remember what should be cherished. I will always regret the missed opportunities of the
past; however, I will not let it devour me. I do not believe in the credo that one should live life
without regret. There is no shame in regret, yet there is much shame in not learning from it.

I never truly knew hope. Hope was always bitterly paired with unrequited love. I never truly knew joy. Joy was always a heady, impetuous night of revelry. I never truly knew love. Love was always an ethereal concept with no tangible proof.

I am learning Hope through the optimism of my father. I am learning Joy through incremental improvements in my mother. I am learning Love through the earnest support of my family and friends.

My time with my mother may be short. It may not be. We just don’t know. That is out of my hands and I am learning to accept that. It is not easy to know that I can only control that which is within my own power.

I do not pretend to have any profound message for you, nor do I have any good suggestions on how to live life. Still, if I may offer the one insight that I have gleaned through all of this:

Never miss an opportunity to tell someone you love them. Every day.

The author of this blog post is a personal friend and has chosen to remain anonymous, but still wishes to express some of the personal truths that he has stumbled upon (He is also really hoping to win that free cup of coffee). If this message has touched you, please share it, Like it or comment on it. We’re never alone…and we are ALL loved.

 

A New Kind of Valentine’s Day

Before I get right in to this week’s blog post, I wanted to first thank you for showing such interest and support for the Bennis Blog Battle! This is going to be a really fun, ongoing series of guest blogging and I can’t wait to read what you’re working on. Everyone is invited to join in, so please read through the details, pull open a new word doc and get writing!

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Now as a full blown weekly blogger (whether I’ll own up to it or not), I’m more aware than ever as a new week approaches because it means making time to sit down and write. This is a habit I’m happy to have, but it’s brought to my attention that time truly does fly by and life happens whether you’re watching or not. I feel like I’ve just gotten settled from the holidays and New Year and already tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. I’m sure many of you can relate when I say that Valentine’s Day, out of all holidays, brings an added element of stress and anxiety for most of us. It’s not a holiday that earns us a day off work, it inconveniently falls on whatever day of the week it chooses and accidentally wishing someone a Happy Valentine’s Day when they’re single or recently broken-hearted is more embarrassing than wishing a Jewish person Merry Christmas.

Why is this? How does one little holiday centered on the celebration of love develop such a crowd of haters? Sure, it does slightly feel like an illegitimate holiday because of the consumerism and hype that often comes with it. But in the dreary depths of winter, a day dedicated to expressing the warmth of love sounds pretty nice—and I’m not just saying that because Hallmark told me to. I have an idea for this Valentine’s Day that we can all try out and it doesn’t involve agonizing over a card, waiting in line at a crowded restaurant or throwing a pity party for your singleness. I believe Valentine’s Day has much more opportunity than any of this stuff. If we allow it, it can be a great reminder that love is a power we all possess and if we express it together, the world can be a pretty amazing place for a day…a week…a year.

Imagine tomorrow, if we carry some extra love in our hearts—we might leave the house for work happy to be alive not angry to be in a rush. We might give someone a compliment that they will carry with them for years after. We might take some extra time out of our day to help a co-worker with a project just as they’re on the verge of giving up. And we might repair a lost friendship with an overdue, but much needed, phone call. You see, Valentine’s Day can be about so much more than romance and roses—it can about be demonstrating genuine kindness and living a day entirely “in love” with life.

Tomorrow is really nothing special, it’s just another day. But it can serve as a great starting point for us to be a little kinder and a little more appreciative of the loving relationships we have all around us.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

 

The Analogy of a Negligent Mother: When your business is your baby

Surfing through my blog archive I realized much of my writing is a chronicle of sugary sweet and upbeat life lessons. I like to think of myself as a positive person, but by no means does this make me immune to the self-doubt and insecure feelings I experience as a new business owner. So this week I’d like to share with you some of the struggles I experience just like everyone else. It’s easy to paint a perfect, glossy image of my life as an entrepreneur, but that would be both a misrepresentation and an insult to my fellow entrepreneurs who know just how difficult it is to be in control of your business’s destiny.

If my emotions since launching Bennis Inc in July could be marked on a graph, you would see a rollercoaster of highs and lows (and maybe even a few loops). This past week was a low for me and for no other reason than I gave my insecurities and self-doubt too large of a stake in my company. As a string of events left me feeling unprepared, untalented and complacent in my business, I couldn’t help but compare these emotions to a negligent mother who wasn’t coddling and nurturing her newborn.

That’s what entrepreneurs are after all, we’re new mothers. We’re flung into a situation where something is depending on us for life. We choose whether it grows and thrives, whether it is given enough attention and whether its future is strong and bright. The worst feeling is when someone else comes in, who doesn’t know your business or its needs, and suggests a new way to “raise” it. We’re left feeling like someone is telling us we’re not raising our child right and we start to question our abilities. Even if we’ve proven to be perfectly capable up to this point, because we want the absolute best for our child, we allow this self-doubt to grow and fester. I suppose the equivalent of having your baby taken away by child services is to have your business closed due to bankruptcy. You lose your child for not giving it your best. And to me, that would be the ultimate low.

Now of course this is my own internal self-doubt speaking. Bennis Inc is growing and thriving exponentially, but it showed me how emotionally invested I am in my business. I hated the feeling of even questioning my commitment to Bennis Inc’s success. Call me a protective mother, but I want to know that I am doing the best for it that I can. There’s no giving it up for adoption now. I created it and it’s quite literally my job to ensure its health and success.

As a follow-up, the latter part of the week was filled with a few confidence boosters that were able to snap me out of my funk and I’m already back on the rise! Maybe these low moments are good for me to experience every now and then. They force me to re-examine my commitment and ambition and then inspire me to kick it up one notch further!

 

The “Unhappy” Trend

It seems as though we are moving toward an “Unhappy” trend. By this, I mean we seem to live in a day and age where it is more acceptable to be bored, tired and miserable than to be publicly happy and content.

I remember so often asking someone–a co-worker, a friend, the cashier at Starbucks–how they’re doing and getting the same response: Oh, hanging in there…Good, until my alarm went off this morning…Minus being at work? Great! And when it wasn’t a gripe or complaint, it was usually a generic and apathetic response like: Good, thanks…Oh, I’m okay…Doing well. For many of my friends who would give me such answers, I knew enough about their lives to know they had plenty of great things taking place that they could share and talk about. Instead, they chose to settle for a sarcastic or emotionless answer, but for what purpose? To make those that are less happy feel more comfortable?

What I’ve come to realize is that it’s hard to be publicly happy and not have it taken the wrong way. Too often genuine happiness is perceived as bragging, boasting or being fake. Sometimes it is even seen as offensive or intimidating to someone who isn’t as happy as you are.

I have a lot of things in my life for which I’m grateful and happy. I started my own business to pursue my passion, have many meaningful and fulfilling relationships and have a flexible schedule that allows me to travel as I please. Yes, life is good. But these tokens of happiness have to be earned each and every day with hard work, dedication and sacrifice. I’m not kidding–those motivational posters couldn’t have summarized it better. What’s disappointing is that even after all of that hard work to create my happiness, I often feel guilty when I go to share this happiness with others. I feel like it’s easier to gripe and complain about little things, even the weather, just to make myself more likable to those who don’t allow themselves to be as happy.

The “Unhappy” trend is one I look forward to seeing pass. We need to get back into the trend of not just supporting each others’ happiness, but working to preserve and grow it. It’s as simple as the next time today you’re asked how you’re doing–respond with a genuine and positive answer about something good in your life.

I know we all have at least one thing in our lives right now that we can be happy about. Even if it’s just the 5 free minutes you had to surf Word Press and find this blog!

Some of My Pieces of Happiness

My cat and companion, Pinot who keeps working from home interesting.

The flexibile work schedule that allows me to travel as I please.

A summer full of sweet and simple memories