A Quarter-Century of Life Lessons: Revisited

Tomorrow, on December 18^th, I will again celebrate my birthday. For as long as I can remember this was a day that all 364 others would be spent looking forward to. With the start of December before I began counting down until days to Christmas, I first counted down the seconds until my birthday. And from midnight to midnight for a full 24 hours I felt like the most special person in the world. When you’re a little kid birthdays are a big deal. You get cards from every aunt, uncle and neighbor you don’t even know and at school you get to bring in treats and wear a ribbon. And then there’s the cake. I loved every new candle each age earned and how it made my birthday seem bigger and brighter with every passing year. My birthday is still a day when I feel very special, though it’s not nearly as big of an ordeal as my childhood self once made it. But instead of those birthday candles merely adding glow to a cake, I now see them as adding wisdom to my life. And so on my grand quarter-century birthday, I want to revisit the blog post I wrote about one year ago at this time “(Almost) A Quarter-Century of Life Lessons” and with this new year and new candle,  I’ve added the life lesson my 25th year has taught me to this ever growing list.

1. Tie your happiness to a goal—not people or things

You will never be able to control people or things; don’t let your happiness be dependent upon them.

2. There is no such thing as awkward situations, only awkward people

Realizing this allowed me to take control of situations and handle them with confidence and grace.

3. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together

It’s not easy when you feel slighted or taken advantage of, but I truly believe that there’s a greater plan and even the bad parts play in to a happy ending.

4. Crying is neither an indication that you’re weak nor a solution to your problems

You can never really hold emotion in. Not dealing with how you feel causes emotion to come out as passive aggression or displaced anger. I allow myself a good pity party from time to time, but after that’s over I don’t let my thoughts linger. I move on.

5. No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying

Sure it’s easy for people to sit back and criticize when they’re not in your position. But even failing is a sign that you’re trying—and that’s so much more productive than standing still.

6. Do what you love, not what you think you’re supposed to do

I struggled with this one for a while. I thought I was supposed to stay with whatever job offered the most money and benefits, regardless of how miserable I became. Sure I’d like more money, but it will come. Until then, I’d much rather be doing what I love and calling my own shots.

7. Only blaze your own trail if no one before you has gone where you’re going

Don’t take the path less traveled solely for the sake of being different. There’s no shame in following in someone’s footsteps, especially if you admire the path they’ve chosen.

8. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting

This can be applied to both results you want to keep and results you want to change. If you want change you have to create change—time alone cannot and will not do this.

9. At the core, people are truly good

Sometimes I meet people who really test this belief of mine! But if I spend enough time with someone, somewhere along the line they give me the proof I need to know this is still very true.

10. Strive for progress, not perfection

The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists; it rewards people who get things done. Trying to make each day perfect will only paralyze you from making any sort of progress, perfect or not.

11. Opportunity doesn’t go away, it just goes to someone else

Remembering this makes me reconsider any time I’m tempted to take any opportunity for granted and let it pass by.

12. Do not compromise sleep for anything

Anyone who knows me knows that even with a big project or looming deadline, I would rather call it a night and wake up early to get it done. Sleep is sacred to me—it allows my mind and body to reset. Don’t deprive yourself of this vital time; you need it to do anything else to your full ability.

13. As soon as you wake up, start by saying one positive thing about today

I’ve used this positive thinking technique to get me through some of the gloomiest work periods of my life. No one wants to be at the beginning of a 12 hour work day, but saying one thing you have to look forward to—even if it’s just a your favorite lunch–will help get you out of bed.

14. Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck

It may not be what you want, but life will always give you exactly what you need. The sooner I learned to trust this, the sooner I was able to let go of all of the “What If’s.”

15. When you don’t plan everything, everything goes as planned

You may remember this as a blog post where I learned a pretty valuable life lesson. By planning everything, I only set myself up for frustration (and madness) when things would inevitably change.

16. Don’t measure life in grand gestures or life-changing moments

In doing so, you will miss the better part of what life truly is…the little moments

17. Happiness and success are independent of each other

Sure they can, and often do, occur at the same time. But this is not guaranteed nor is the fact that one will always cause the other. You must pursue each separately.

18. The problems we have with other people are more often about ourselves

You may remember my post about not having to like everyone you work with. It’s a fact of life that we will interact with people we don’t like, but do remain introspective about what it is that bothers us about someone else. It’s most often a reflection of our own insecurity or jealousy we can work on.

19. You will never be 100% ready for an opportunity when it arises

Never use this as an excuse not to take it!

20. Time can only heal what we allow it to

If you allow your mind to wallow in sorrow or hurt, it’s like picking at a scab that’s trying to heal. Either move on or embrace the fact that this will become your scar.

21. Never assume you’re the best or worst at anything

A quote Mr. S often shares with me is from his former coach, Joe Paterno “You’re never as good as you think you are when you win and you’re never as bad as you think you are when you lose.” This thought keeps me grounded.

22. Deferring your happiness to the future is a terrible decision

So often we hear people say, “I can’t wait until I retire so I can do that.” But why not be happy and do what we love right now and throughout our entire lives? Don’t put off your happiness and life goals until you have more money or more time, both can run out sooner than expected.

23. Under promise and over deliver

In work and in relationships, never promise more than you can reasonably give. It’s far better to underestimate your skills and commitment to someone to ensure you’re always exceeding their expectations.

24. Nobody has it all figured out

And anyone who claims they do probably has the most to learn.

The newest life lesson that I will add to the 25th spot on my list is the lesson I believe this year was meant to teach me. It’s a lesson that I not only personally experienced, but finally had the wisdom to open my eyes and see all around me…

25. Merely planning to do something is not the same as accomplishing something

I become so frustrated when a goal is set and never met. With so much information about goal setting and motivation I could never justify why so many good intentions never get off the ground. Just before my 25th birthday I reasoned that the answer was the trap of thinking planning to do something is the same as  accomplishing something. Good intentions are not enough if you want to bring something to reality. So as we emerge on the cusp of New Year resolutions, keep this simple truth in mind. It’s a lesson I’ll be sure to carry into my next quarter-century and beyond!

 

Post-Vacation Panic: Tackling the Mountain of Emails

It feels great to be back!

I hope you enjoyed a relaxing long weekend and celebration of Labor Day. But I hope you haven’t enjoyed (too much) the small pause from the Bennis Inc Blog – because I’m excited to hit the ground running with some new posts I think you’ll really enjoy.

A two and a half week hiatus of travel is no joke. While I felt rested and energized from this prolonged time offline, I’m now facing the harsh reality that there’s a lot of work to be done. Even with emails being sent and phone calls being made from coast to coast when I could carve out some time, I felt more reactive than proactive. This is an odd place to be for an over-planner and an all-hours worker. It’s easy and tempting to allow this feeling to overwhelm me to the point of panicking or shutting down, but before I click “refresh” on my email, I’m going to take a deep breath and take a more strategic approach to this mountain of work.

My knee-jerk reaction when looking at a slew of new emails is to quickly click on each one, even just for a second, to first get rid of the awful illuminated look of an unread message. I then make a split section decision as to its priority. Both of these habits are dangerous. First, just because a message is “read” doesn’t mean its taken care of. Leaving a bunch of read but unanswered emails in your inbox will make you feel like you’ve accomplished something when really all you did was cover up the blinking red light. Second, it’s hard to tell the priority of a message by simply skimming it. Sometimes the most important information or question come at the very end. Deleting a message based on its first paragraph is…well, judging a book by its cover.

So instead my plan is to tackle this mountain step by step, email by email. I’ve been in the game long enough to know when I work most effectively – and it’s by focusing on just one project and seeing it through to completion before beginning another. My two and a half weeks of backlogged work is no different. I need to start at the bottom and handle each message one at a time. Whether this is a major task or a simple click of “delete” for junk mail, I gain nothing by trying to do it all at one. In fact, I only seem to lose time that way.

This brings me to my final post-vacation work strategy which is don’t think you need to do it all right now. I’m going to keep in mind that all of this work didn’t come in over night and so I should allow myself at least a reasonable time to catch up. Sure I’ll need to work double time, over time and in high octane mode to keep things moving and clients happy, but this doesn’t mean burn yourself out on your first day back.

So with that I’m feeling centered, focused and dare I say slightly excited to see what’s been going on while I’ve been away. I might be eating those words come Wednesday, but I’m about to find out…one email at a time.

And when stress hits, I’ll just remember this little slice of heaven where I felt so relaxed!

 

A Short (And Needed) Break

The Bennis Inc Blog is on hold for a few weeks while I take some much needed time off to reorganize and refresh after a very hectic (but wonderful) month. While a small part of me will miss my weekly writings, I can’t say the surf, sun and sand won’t help to keep me occupied. Have a wonderful rest of August and look for some new topics coming your way in September!

 

 

The Two-Day Truce: Reclaiming Respect for the Weekend

I can’t be the only one to confess that my blood pressure raises and eyes dilate when I hear the all too familiar “Ding!” of my phone when a new email comes in. I’m like one of Ivan Pavlov’s dogs, except instead of salivating, I’m overcome with the urge to immediately check my phone and respond instantly with an answer to or acknowledgement of the pending request. This mindset can make for a stressful week, but apply it to the 2-days we’re supposed to allow ourselves for rest and relaxation each weekend and this flirts on the brink of insanity.

As a new business owner, I’m told – this too shall pass. But what if it doesn’t? What if fate should have it that my obsession with instantaneous answers isn’t linked to my young entrepreneurship, but rather the growing trend in technology? Now we’re no longer flirting on the brink of insanity, we’re outright courting it with a fancy dinner and bottle of wine.

I can’t help but fantasize with the idea of living in a 1950’s office environment just for contrast. What was it possibly like to lock the door on your business at 5pm Friday and be unreachable until 9am Monday? Moreover, what was it like to wait around for a written memo to be passed from office to office until an answer was returned hours…or days later? The TV show Mad Men might give us a glimpse into this lifestyle, but we will never truly know what it is like to live it. What some might see as a business-stifling, slow communication process, I see as the key to a work-life balance. With the aid of ever-connecting technology, we have officially become accessible at all hours of the day and so we have trained ourselves, and our peers, to expect immediate responses regardless of weekends, holidays and once in a lifetime occasions like weddings, funerals and even the birth of our own children.

I acknowledge that I’m somewhat at fault for this. I check emails on my phone with the same repetition in which I breathe or blink. And answering emails on the weekend only encourages conversation because I voluntarily make myself accessible. So this weekend it stops. I want that 2-day break; I earned that 2-day break – and so did you. So why do we continue to choose to watch our phones rather than watch a movie with our significant other? Why do we use our weekends to pitch to a potential client when we could be pitching to our son or nephew on a beautiful sunny day?

Let’s call a truce. Let’s work hard this week so we can designate this weekend for rest and relaxation. But I can’t do it alone. I challenge each of you to limit your emails this weekend to urgent communication only. Ask yourself, “Can it wait until Monday?” And then get out there and enjoy an entire Saturday and Sunday to yourself. Lock your email, just as you would your office door, at 5pm on Friday and open it again Monday at 9am. I promise you that calling a Two Day Truce, won’t result in the demise of your business, but more likely will result in allowing others to also reclaim the respect for their own weekend.

 

A Non-Traditional Administrative Professional’s Day

This is the first Administrative Professionals Day that I haven’t worked in a traditional office to enjoy the flowers, cards and generous spread of cookies and cakes that seem to always accompany this holiday. But I realized, that while I work in a non-traditional office, I do have an Administrative Assistant, she’s just a non-traditional one. And so today, I’d like to take a moment to give Pinot the thanks and attention she demands of me …deserves. So enjoy your exceptionally big bowl of “Special Kitty” and take an extra long nap today — because we both know that’s the only time I get any work done. Today’s to you, Pinot. And Happy Administrative Professionals day to my less furry friends as well!

This is a normal occurrence - Pinot being creepy and staring at me while I try to get work done. All in a day's work...

 

A New Kind of Valentine’s Day

Before I get right in to this week’s blog post, I wanted to first thank you for showing such interest and support for the Bennis Blog Battle! This is going to be a really fun, ongoing series of guest blogging and I can’t wait to read what you’re working on. Everyone is invited to join in, so please read through the details, pull open a new word doc and get writing!

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Now as a full blown weekly blogger (whether I’ll own up to it or not), I’m more aware than ever as a new week approaches because it means making time to sit down and write. This is a habit I’m happy to have, but it’s brought to my attention that time truly does fly by and life happens whether you’re watching or not. I feel like I’ve just gotten settled from the holidays and New Year and already tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. I’m sure many of you can relate when I say that Valentine’s Day, out of all holidays, brings an added element of stress and anxiety for most of us. It’s not a holiday that earns us a day off work, it inconveniently falls on whatever day of the week it chooses and accidentally wishing someone a Happy Valentine’s Day when they’re single or recently broken-hearted is more embarrassing than wishing a Jewish person Merry Christmas.

Why is this? How does one little holiday centered on the celebration of love develop such a crowd of haters? Sure, it does slightly feel like an illegitimate holiday because of the consumerism and hype that often comes with it. But in the dreary depths of winter, a day dedicated to expressing the warmth of love sounds pretty nice—and I’m not just saying that because Hallmark told me to. I have an idea for this Valentine’s Day that we can all try out and it doesn’t involve agonizing over a card, waiting in line at a crowded restaurant or throwing a pity party for your singleness. I believe Valentine’s Day has much more opportunity than any of this stuff. If we allow it, it can be a great reminder that love is a power we all possess and if we express it together, the world can be a pretty amazing place for a day…a week…a year.

Imagine tomorrow, if we carry some extra love in our hearts—we might leave the house for work happy to be alive not angry to be in a rush. We might give someone a compliment that they will carry with them for years after. We might take some extra time out of our day to help a co-worker with a project just as they’re on the verge of giving up. And we might repair a lost friendship with an overdue, but much needed, phone call. You see, Valentine’s Day can be about so much more than romance and roses—it can about be demonstrating genuine kindness and living a day entirely “in love” with life.

Tomorrow is really nothing special, it’s just another day. But it can serve as a great starting point for us to be a little kinder and a little more appreciative of the loving relationships we have all around us.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

 

The New Years Resolution of a Lifetime

For so long I've surrounded myself with my business and career. My New Years resolution is to find the meaning beyond all of that.

I’ve never made a New Years resolution. Reflecting upon this single sentence, I’m amazed at how clearly it reflects the intricacies of my entire personality. First, I don’t like doing the easy, obvious or expected. In school, I would purposely choose to write a paper defending an opinion that was less supported and against common belief just to challenge myself to think outside the box. Second, I hate waiting around for anything, especially the first of the year to make a great life change that I could have started months ago.

Whether it’s because 2012 is my first year as a business owner or because it’s predicted to be the end of the world, for the first time I’ve found a clear and meaningful New Years resolution. I want to reconnect with God.

You may not have seen this as the type of resolution I was leading up to, neither did I at first. It’s been a goal of mine for quite some time that I’ve found a thousand other things to put before it. And so everything I initially disliked about creating New Years resolutions has now emerged as an opportunity to finally commit to this goal. I have much to be thankful for and many talents which I wish to use for a greater good. I want to develop a mature relationship with God that will allow me to keep a gracious heart and understand the world on a whole new spiritual level. Religion isn’t blindly believing, it’s actually questioning and challenging everything you know on a daily basis which is what I’ve been doing nearly my whole life without knowing what to call it.

Having now written it in words, I know this is a resolution to which I will commit. I have everything to gain from this goal—spirituality improves all other aspect of life—and have already taken my first step. I’ve found a church that resonates with exactly what I’ve been looking for. Lives Changed by Christ (LCBC) takes an intellectual and thought-provoking approach to religion. The hardest challenge will be making this a priority week after week and year after year. It’s a goal that can never be truly met. There is no end; it will take me a lifetime. Having never before made a New Years resolution I’m starting with what might be the most challenging one of all, but I’m not overwhelmed. I’m excited because I feel as though I’ve found the only New Years resolution I ever needed all along.

 

Even Bloggers Need a Holiday

Merry Christmas from the Bennis Inc team!

The usual Monday Bennis Inc blog post will be put on hold for a week as we all take a much needed breath and relax. I hope you enjoyed a joyous Christmas spent with your family, friends and loved ones. Take advantage of this quiet week between Christmas and New Years to appreciate everything we’ve been waiting all month to enjoy–an extra helping (or two) of holiday treats, an afternoon nap, daylong marathons of your favorite TV show and some time spent disconnected from technology. I’ll be taking this same advice, but don’t you worry, I have a lot of great ideas in store for 2012 which I look forward to sharing with all of my loyal bloggers!

In other news, Pinot isn’t too upset Christmas is over…