Every time a beautiful home catches my eye or I’m inspired by a furniture store’s interior design, I’m reminded that there was a time in my life when I was quite certain that I would grow up to become a creator similar works of art. Yes, my childhood dream was to become an architect and interior designer. The signs were quite obvious, really. The remnants of my mounding collection of doll houses can still be found packed away in my parent’s attic. Yet instead of playing house with the tiny people inside these homes, I would spend hours rearranging furniture and building additional walls to expand the modest structures into dream mansions. I filled binders and binders with magazine pictures of bedrooms, kitchens and patios and would stare at blueprints long enough until I could visualize the house I would use them to someday create. And at the age when most children were still building with Legos and Lincoln Logs, I taught myself to use the same computer programs used by professional architects and designers.
Even as an adult, the memory of this childhood passion is still vivid. It’s no longer as common that I allow myself to become so consumed in a hobby or so certain of a dream – and maybe that’s why I love to reminisce back to the time in my life when I did. Childhood should be a time for complete creative freedom and to allow natural talents to shine through. It is also a time that can tell us a lot of about ourselves and who we were destined to become long before we let responsibilities, worries and failures affect our dreams.
It should be obvious to you now that I never became that architect or interior designer of my dreams. The level of intensity I had for this hobby didn’t outlast high school. Instead, I slowly migrated into a completely different career path in communications and writing. Not many people know about my dreams to become an architect that I once constructed so carefully. For the longest time I thought it to be irrelevant and to some degree an admittance of failure. I walked away from something I was so passionate about and never felt the need to look back. Or did I?
To this day, I may not have a portfolio of beautifully furnished houses to showcase, but I do have quite a different portfolio of equally impressive work. I’ve never built a home, but I’ve built a brand and business. I don’t use my creative talent toward interior design, but I do use my creativity in so many broader ways every day. That passion for building something from the ground up and talent for thinking outside the box were never lost, only reassigned. I’m a Public Relations professional, not an architect, but I’m confident this is what all my childhood daydreaming has prepared me to do.
So many years ago I may have mastered some impressive feats for a 10-year-old architect, but I wouldn’t have had the slightest clue as to what Public Relations was and certainly wouldn’t have understood how to apply my talents toward this career path. Yet, with every choice I made to move away from architecture and design, I took one step in the right direction of finding the career I now have today. I couldn’t be more grateful for all the hours I spent playing with those doll houses. Almost 15 years later, I still have yet to build a single home, but I’ve built exactly what my childhood self would have wished for had she known everything that was possible.
As a child, did you ever have a passionate dream about becoming something far different than what you are today? Look closely at the career path you have chosen and you may see that these childhood talents were never lost, only reassigned. Share your own story by commenting below!
Tomorrow, on December 18th, I will again celebrate my birthday. For as long as I can remember this was a day that all 364 others would be spent looking forward to. With the start of December before I began counting down until days to Christmas, I first counted down the seconds until my birthday. And from midnight to midnight for a full 24 hours I felt like the most special person in the world. When you’re a little kid birthdays are a big deal. You get cards from every aunt, uncle and neighbor you don’t even know and at school you get to bring in treats and wear a ribbon. And then there’s the cake. I loved every new candle each age earned and how it made my birthday seem bigger and brighter with every passing year. My birthday is still a day when I feel very special, though it’s not nearly as big of an ordeal as my childhood self once made it. But instead of those birthday candles merely adding glow to a cake, I now see them as adding wisdom to my life. And so on my grand quarter-century birthday, I want to revisit the blog post I wrote about one year ago at this time “(Almost) A Quarter-Century of Life Lessons” and with this new year and new candle, I’ve added the life lesson my 25th year has taught me to this ever growing list.
1. Tie your happiness to a goal—not people or things
You will never be able to control people or things; don’t let your happiness be dependent upon them.
2. There is no such thing as awkward situations, only awkward people
Realizing this allowed me to take control of situations and handle them with confidence and grace.
3. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together
It’s not easy when you feel slighted or taken advantage of, but I truly believe that there’s a greater plan and even the bad parts play in to a happy ending.
4. Crying is neither an indication that you’re weak nor a solution to your problems
You can never really hold emotion in. Not dealing with how you feel causes emotion to come out as passive aggression or displaced anger. I allow myself a good pity party from time to time, but after that’s over I don’t let my thoughts linger. I move on.
5. No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying
Sure it’s easy for people to sit back and criticize when they’re not in your position. But even failing is a sign that you’re trying—and that’s so much more productive than standing still.
6. Do what you love, not what you think you’re supposed to do
I struggled with this one for a while. I thought I was supposed to stay with whatever job offered the most money and benefits, regardless of how miserable I became. Sure I’d like more money, but it will come. Until then, I’d much rather be doing what I love and calling my own shots.
7. Only blaze your own trail if no one before you has gone where you’re going
Don’t take the path less traveled solely for the sake of being different. There’s no shame in following in someone’s footsteps, especially if you admire the path they’ve chosen.
8. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting
This can be applied to both results you want to keep and results you want to change. If you want change you have to create change—time alone cannot and will not do this.
9. At the core, people are truly good
Sometimes I meet people who really test this belief of mine! But if I spend enough time with someone, somewhere along the line they give me the proof I need to know this is still very true.
The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists; it rewards people who get things done. Trying to make each day perfect will only paralyze you from making any sort of progress, perfect or not.
11. Opportunity doesn’t go away, it just goes to someone else
Remembering this makes me reconsider any time I’m tempted to take any opportunity for granted and let it pass by.
12. Do not compromise sleep for anything
Anyone who knows me knows that even with a big project or looming deadline, I would rather call it a night and wake up early to get it done. Sleep is sacred to me—it allows my mind and body to reset. Don’t deprive yourself of this vital time; you need it to do anything else to your full ability.
13. As soon as you wake up, start by saying one positive thing about today
I’ve used this positive thinking technique to get me through some of the gloomiest work periods of my life. No one wants to be at the beginning of a 12 hour work day, but saying one thing you have to look forward to—even if it’s just a your favorite lunch–will help get you out of bed.
14. Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck
It may not be what you want, but life will always give you exactly what you need. The sooner I learned to trust this, the sooner I was able to let go of all of the “What If’s.”
You may remember this as a blog post where I learned a pretty valuable life lesson. By planning everything, I only set myself up for frustration (and madness) when things would inevitably change.
16. Don’t measure life in grand gestures or life-changing moments
In doing so, you will miss the better part of what life truly is…the little moments
17. Happiness and success are independent of each other
Sure they can, and often do, occur at the same time. But this is not guaranteed nor is the fact that one will always cause the other. You must pursue each separately.
18. The problems we have with other people are more often about ourselves
You may remember my post about not having to like everyone you work with. It’s a fact of life that we will interact with people we don’t like, but do remain introspective about what it is that bothers us about someone else. It’s most often a reflection of our own insecurity or jealousy we can work on.
19. You will never be 100% ready for an opportunity when it arises
Never use this as an excuse not to take it!
20. Time can only heal what we allow it to
If you allow your mind to wallow in sorrow or hurt, it’s like picking at a scab that’s trying to heal. Either move on or embrace the fact that this will become your scar.
21. Never assume you’re the best or worst at anything
A quote Mr. S often shares with me is from his former coach, Joe Paterno “You’re never as good as you think you are when you win and you’re never as bad as you think you are when you lose.” This thought keeps me grounded.
22. Deferring your happiness to the future is a terrible decision
So often we hear people say, “I can’t wait until I retire so I can do that.” But why not be happy and do what we love right now and throughout our entire lives? Don’t put off your happiness and life goals until you have more money or more time, both can run out sooner than expected.
23. Under promise and over deliver
In work and in relationships, never promise more than you can reasonably give. It’s far better to underestimate your skills and commitment to someone to ensure you’re always exceeding their expectations.
24. Nobody has it all figured out
And anyone who claims they do probably has the most to learn.
The newest life lesson that I will add to the 25th spot on my list is the lesson I believe this year was meant to teach me. It’s a lesson that I not only personally experienced, but finally had the wisdom to open my eyes and see all around me…
25. Merely planning to do something is not the same as accomplishing something
I become so frustrated when a goal is set and never met. With so much information about goal setting and motivation I could never justify why so many good intentions never get off the ground. Just before my 25th birthday I reasoned that the answer was the trap of thinking planning to do something is the same as accomplishing something. Good intentions are not enough if you want to bring something to reality. So as we emerge on the cusp of New Year resolutions, keep this simple truth in mind. It’s a lesson I’ll be sure to carry into my next quarter-century and beyond!
No matter how many hours a day I spend writing and editing my work or the work of my clients’, I’m not immune to the common (and very embarrassing) grammar mistakes that I know I’ve learned countless times. I admit that I still turn to Google for a quick grammar recap on effect vs affect or which vs that – and I’ll also admit that sometimes after doing so I still don’t know the right answer! There are moments when I just feel like Ralph Wiggum….
I recently stumbled upon a fantastic list of the 20 most common grammar mistakes and was amazed that these were even rules of the English language, considering I see them misused all of the time (including in my own work). This is valuable information worth reading and learning since nothing can put a dent in your professional reputation quicker than a glaring grammatical error. Please visit Lit Reactor for the full article in which this list was originally published.
Who and Whom
This one opens a big can of worms. “Who” is a subjective — or nominative — pronoun, along with “he,” “she,” “it,” “we,” and “they.” It’s used when the pronoun acts as the subject of a clause. “Whom” is an objective pronoun, along with “him,” “her,” “it”, “us,” and “them.” It’s used when the pronoun acts as the object of a clause. Using “who” or “whom” depends on whether you’re referring to the subject or object of a sentence. When in doubt, substitute “who” with the subjective pronouns “he” or “she,” e.g., Who loves you? cf., He loves me. Similarly, you can also substitute “whom” with the objective pronouns “him” or “her.” e.g., I consulted an attorney whom I met in New York. cf., I consulted him.
Which and That
This is one of the most common mistakes out there, and understandably so. “That” is a restrictive pronoun. It’s vital to the noun to which it’s referring. e.g., I don’t trust fruits and vegetables that aren’t organic. Here, I’m referring to all non-organic fruits or vegetables. In other words, I only trust fruits and vegetables that are organic. “Which” introduces a relative clause. It allows qualifiers that may not be essential. e.g., I recommend you eat only organic fruits and vegetables, which are available in area grocery stores. In this case, you don’t have to go to a specific grocery store to obtain organic fruits and vegetables. “Which” qualifies, “that” restricts. “Which” is more ambiguous however, and by virtue of its meaning is flexible enough to be used in many restrictive clauses. e.g., The house, which is burning, is mine. e.g., The house that is burning is mine.
Lay and Lie
This is the crown jewel of all grammatical errors. “Lay” is a transitive verb. It requires a direct subject and one or more objects. Its present tense is “lay” (e.g., I lay the pencil on the table) and its past tense is “laid” (e.g., Yesterday I laid the pencil on the table). “Lie” is an intransitive verb. It needs no object. Its present tense is “lie” (e.g., The Andes mountains lie between Chile and Argentina) and its past tense is “lay” (e.g., The man lay waiting for an ambulance). The most common mistake occurs when the writer uses the past tense of the transitive “lay” (e.g., I laid on the bed) when he/she actually means the intransitive past tense of “lie” (e.g., I lay on the bed).
Moot
Contrary to common misuse, “moot” doesn’t imply something is superfluous. It means a subject is disputable or open to discussion. e.g., The idea that commercial zoning should be allowed in the residential neighborhood was a moot point for the council.
Continual and Continuous
They’re similar, but there’s a difference. “Continual” means something that’s always occurring, with obvious lapses in time. “Continuous” means something continues without any stops or gaps in between. e.g., The continual music next door made it the worst night of studying ever. e.g., Her continuous talking prevented him from concentrating.
Envy and Jealousy
The word “envy” implies a longing for someone else’s good fortunes. “Jealousy” is far more nefarious. It’s a fear of rivalry, often present in sexual situations. “Envy” is when you covet your friend’s good looks. “Jealousy” is what happens when your significant other swoons over your good-looking friend.
Nor
“Nor” expresses a negative condition. It literally means “and not.” You’re obligated to use the “nor” form if your sentence expresses a negative and follows it with another negative condition. “Neither the men nor the women were drunk” is a correct sentence because “nor” expresses that the women held the same negative condition as the men. The old rule is that “nor” typically follows “neither,” and “or” follows “either.” However, if neither “either” nor “neither” is used in a sentence, you should use “nor” to express a second negative, as long as the second negative is a verb. If the second negative is a noun, adjective, or adverb, you would use “or,” because the initial negative transfers to all conditions. e.g., He won’t eat broccoli or asparagus. The negative condition expressing the first noun (broccoli) is also used for the second (asparagus).
May and Might
“May” implies a possibility. “Might” implies far more uncertainty. “You may get drunk if you have two shots in ten minutes” implies a real possibility of drunkenness. “You might get a ticket if you operate a tug boat while drunk” implies a possibility that is far more remote. Someone who says “I may have more wine” could mean he/she doesn’t want more wine right now, or that he/she “might” not want any at all. Given the speaker’s indecision on the matter, “might” would be correct.
Whether and If
Many writers seem to assume that “whether” is interchangeable with “if.” It isn’t. “Whether” expresses a condition where there are two or more alternatives. “If” expresses a condition where there are no alternatives. e.g., I don’t know whether I’ll get drunk tonight. e.g., I can get drunk tonight if I have money for booze.
Fewer and Less
“Less” is reserved for hypothetical quantities. “Few” and “fewer” are for things you can quantify. e.g., The firm has fewer than ten employees. e.g., The firm is less successful now that we have only ten employees.
Farther and Further
The word “farther” implies a measurable distance. “Further” should be reserved for abstract lengths you can’t always measure. e.g., I threw the ball ten feet farther than Bill. e.g., The financial crisis caused further implications.
Since and Because
“Since” refers to time. “Because” refers to causation. e.g., Since I quit drinking I’ve married and had two children. e.g., Because I quit drinking I no longer wake up in my own vomit.
Disinterested and Uninterested
Contrary to popular usage, these words aren’t synonymous. A “disinterested” person is someone who’s impartial. For example, a hedge fund manager might take interest in a headline regarding the performance of a popular stock, even if he’s never invested in it. He’s “disinterested,” i.e., he doesn’t seek to gain financially from the transaction he’s witnessed. Judges and referees are supposed to be “disinterested.” If the sentence you’re using implies someone who couldn’t care less, chances are you’ll want to use “uninterested.”
Anxious
Unless you’re frightened of them, you shouldn’t say you’re “anxious to see your friends.” You’re actually “eager,” or “excited.” To be “anxious” implies a looming fear, dread or anxiety. It doesn’t mean you’re looking forward to something.
Different Than and Different From
This is a tough one. Words like “rather” and “faster” are comparative adjectives, and are used to show comparison with the preposition “than,” (e.g., greater than, less than, faster than, rather than). The adjective “different” is used to draw distinction. So, when “different” is followed by a preposition, it should be “from,” similar to “separate from,” “distinct from,” or “away from.” e.g., My living situation in New York was different from home. There are rare cases where “different than” is appropriate, if “than” operates as a conjunction. e.g., Development is different in New York than in Los Angeles. When in doubt, use “different from.”
Bring and Take
In order to employ proper usage of “bring” or “take,” the writer must know whether the object is being moved toward or away from the subject. If it is toward, use “bring.” If it is away, use “take.” Your spouse may tell you to “take your clothes to the cleaners.” The owner of the dry cleaners would say “bring your clothes to the cleaners.”
Impactful
It isn’t a word. “Impact” can be used as a noun (e.g., The impact of the crash was severe) or a transitive verb (e.g., The crash impacted my ability to walk or hold a job). “Impactful” is a made-up buzzword, colligated by the modern marketing industry in their endless attempts to decode the innumerable nuances of human behavior into a string of mindless metrics. Seriously, stop saying this.
Affect and Effect
Here’s a trick to help you remember: “Affect” is almost always a verb (e.g., Facebook affects people’s attention spans), and “effect” is almost always a noun (e.g., Facebook’s effects can also be positive). “Affect” means to influence or produce an impression — to cause hence, an effect. “Effect” is the thing produced by the affecting agent; it describes the result or outcome. There are some exceptions. “Effect” may be used as a transitive verb, which means to bring about or make happen. e.g., My new computer effected a much-needed transition from magazines to Web porn. There are similarly rare examples where “affect” can be a noun. e.g., His lack of affect made him seem like a shallow person.
Irony and Coincidence
Too many people claim something is the former when they actually mean the latter. For example, it’s not “ironic” that “Barbara moved from California to New York, where she ended up meeting and falling in love with a fellow Californian.” The fact that they’re both from California is a “coincidence.” “Irony” is the incongruity in a series of events between the expected results and the actual results. “Coincidence” is a series of events that appear planned when they’re actually accidental. So, it would be “ironic” if “Barbara moved from California to New York to escape California men, but the first man she ended up meeting and falling in love with was a fellow Californian.”
Nauseous
Undoubtedly the most common mistake I encounter. Contrary to almost ubiquitous misuse, to be “nauseous” doesn’t mean you’ve been sickened: it actually means you possess the ability to produce nausea in others. e.g., That week-old hot dog is nauseous. When you find yourself disgusted or made ill by a nauseating agent, you are actually “nauseated.” e.g., I was nauseated after falling into that dumpster behind the Planned Parenthood. Stop embarrassing yourself.
Which of these mistakes did you find most surprising? Are they rules you already know or ones you’ve never seen explained? Share your thoughts!
This is where I’m blogging from this week–a park on beautiful May day in Pennsylvania!
Almost one year ago, when I first started publishing ramblings about my ambitions, struggles, triumphs and personal philosophies around starting my own business, I had no real idea what I was doing. I wanted a platform to share my ideas, but to also keep me accountable for continuing my creative writing on a regular basis. And for me – this meant blogging. At that time, I had no real plan for where this would go, or if it would go anywhere at all. All I knew was that this was the first time I could really write for myself and not have the pressure to “perform.” This was a wildly new feeling which allowed me to access a whole new level of creativity and improve my own writing over the course of a single year by simply making me do it weekly.
While there is still much for me to learn from some of the Master Bloggers out there, I do feel like I’ve picked up on several tips that allowed me to enjoy the prestigious WordPress honor of being Freshly Pressed and to continue to steadily grow the Bennis Inc blog week after week, month after month. The following are what I consider the prime essentials for my blog’s success:
Consistency. Every Monday morning around 8am you can expect to be greeted by a Bennis Inc blog post in your inbox or blog feed. This takes planning, and sometimes pre-scheduling posts weeks in advance, but I’m a stickler for not leaving my readers hanging. For you, a different day of the week or a different frequency might make more sense, but whether you’re posting weekly, bi-weekly or monthly, loyal readership comes from consistent content.
Tags. Tags are what get your blog before the eyes of potential followers. In WordPress you’ll see that you can browse blogs by an endless number of topics. How do the blogs you see get placed on these topic pages? Tags. I familiarized myself with the most popular, overarching topics such as Life, Business, News, Photography and Writing (you can pick them out by the size of their font on the Topics page). I incorporate these powerhouse tags into my posts as much as relevant. That’s the other key to tags is to keep them relevant to your post. Overtagging is treated like spam to WordPress and that won’t get you any further ahead. Pick just the 10-15 most relevant tags for your content. Tags are also how a lot of search engines pick up on my blog. So when I use a Thomas Edison quote, for example, I’m sure to tag him because his name alone has brought many people to my blog because Google includes it in its search suggestions.
Quality Content. If you’re going to make the time commitment to start a blog, also make the commitment to write to the best of your ability. I can remember one busy week over the holidays when I just knew I couldn’t make my Monday blog deadline with a post to which I was proud to sign my name. Instead, I took just a few minutes and included a photo and a fun message to my readers about how even bloggers need a holiday. First, this kept me consistent with my weekly posts. Second, this allowed me the extra time I needed to come back the following week with quality content. I want to WOW my readers every week – and some weeks I do a better job of this than others – but I never want to take their readership for granted. So by offering you something worth reading I’m letting you know that I value your time!
Make it Genuine. So often blogs that are started by businesses fall into the trap that their posts should focus solely on promoting this business or its services. While a blog is a great opportunity to self-promote, it shouldn’t be a sales pitch. Just as I mentioned about quality content, give your audience something worth reading. Establish yourself as an expert in the field, but be sure to include personal stories, humor and even give people a look into some of your own struggles from time to time. My underlying point is – be human. We have enough social media being run by spammers and software. A successful blog gives readers a window into your life.
Make it visual. Adding a picture, graphic or embedding a video clip into your blog posts creates immediate interest for readers. When you browse through a topic on WordPress you’ll see an entire feed of new posts – too many to fully process. So what stands out? One of two things, an attention grabbing title or a picture to accompany your words. Both should accurately represent your blog with minimal thinking or reading. It’s the 0.5 seconds you have to pull a reader in, so don’t willingly give up this opportunity to grab their attention!
Become a part of the WordPress Community. WordPress is very much a social network; it’s a community of writers and readers made up of every demographic imaginable. But you can’t simply publish a blog, sit back and wait for people to swarm it with likes, comments and 5-star ratings. Most often, you have to actively pursue new readers. I personally comment on 5 other WordPress blog every day with something more meaningful than “Great post!” I show them that I took the time to read what they wrote and I share how it relates to me personally. WordPress is a very interactive community and 4 times out of 5 I get a reply for my comment. Most often, 2 out of 5 times I’ll get a new subscriber to MY blog. Multiple this by 5 days a week over the course of a year and it’s easy to consistently grow your blog. It just takes a few minutes of meaningful interaction every day.
So what are some of your successful blogging essentials? Have you discovered the tips I mentioned to be same as the ones you currently use? Since we are a community after all, share your blogging Do’s and Don’ts with me!
Yesterday, December 18th, I celebrated my 24th birthday. Getting to this one day took me nearly a quarter of a century of learning, growing and collecting life experiences. As part of my celebration, I thought now would be the perfect time to really reflect on who I am and what I know to be true. I want to share with the world my own list of 24 life lessons that have taken me 24 years to learn. Some I’m glad to have learned early, some carry heavy memories and some make me smile—but no matter what emotions they conjure up, they have all played a role in making me who I am today and for that I couldn’t be more grateful.
1. Tie your happiness to a goal—not people or things
You will never be able to control people or things; don’t let your happiness be dependent upon them.
2. There is no such thing as awkward situations, only awkward people
Realizing this allowed me to take control of situations and handle them with confidence and grace.
3. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together
It’s not easy when you feel slighted or taken advantage of, but I truly believe that there’s a greater plan and even the bad parts play in to a happy ending.
4. Crying is neither an indication that you’re weak nor a solution to your problems
You can never really hold emotion in. Not dealing with how you feel causes emotion to come out as passive aggression or displaced anger. I allow myself a good pity party from time to time, but after that’s over I don’t let my thoughts linger. I move on.
5. No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying
Sure it’s easy for people to sit back and criticize when they’re not in your position. But even failing is a sign that you’re trying—and that’s so much more productive than standing still.
6. Do what you love, not what you think you’re supposed to do
I struggled with this one for a while. I thought I was supposed to stay with whatever job offered the most money and benefits, regardless of how miserable I became. Sure I’d like more money, but it will come. Until then, I’d much rather be doing what I love and calling my own shots.
7. Only blaze your own trail if no one before you has gone where you’re going
Don’t take the path less traveled solely for the sake of being different. There’s no shame in following in someone’s footsteps, especially if you admire the path they’ve chosen.
8. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting
This can be applied to both results you want to keep and results you want to change. If you want change you have to create change—time alone cannot and will not do this.
9. At the core, people are truly good
Sometimes I meet people who really test this belief of mine! But if I spend enough time with someone, somewhere along the line they give me the proof I need to know this is still very true.
The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists; it rewards people who get things done. Trying to make each day perfect will only paralyze you from making any sort of progress, perfect or not.
11. Opportunity doesn’t go away, it just goes to someone else
Remembering this makes me reconsider any time I’m tempted to take any opportunity for granted and let it pass by.
12. Do not compromise sleep for anything
Anyone who knows me knows that even with a big project or looming deadline, I would rather call it a night and wake up early to get it done. Sleep is sacred to me—it allows my mind and body to reset. Don’t deprive yourself of this vital time; you need it to do anything else to your full ability.
13. As soon as you wake up, start by saying one positive thing about today
I’ve used this positive thinking technique to get me through some of the gloomiest work periods of my life. No one wants to be at the beginning of a 12 hour work day, but saying one thing you have to look forward to—even if it’s just a your favorite lunch–will help get you out of bed.
14. Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck
It may not be what you want, but life will always give you exactly what you need. The sooner I learned to trust this, the sooner I was able to let go of all of the “What If’s.”
You may remember this as a blog post where I learned a pretty valuable life lesson. By planning everything, I only set myself up for frustration (and madness) when things would inevitably change.
16. Don’t measure life in grand gestures or life-changing moments
In doing so, you will miss the better part of what life truly is…the little moments
17. Happiness and success are independent of each other
Sure they can, and often do, occur at the same time. But this is not guaranteed nor is the fact that one will always cause the other. You must pursue each separately.
18. The problems we have with other people are more often about ourselves
You may remember my post about not having to like everyone you work with. It’s a fact of life that we will interact with people we don’t like, but do remain introspective about what it is that bothers us about someone else. It’s most often a reflection of our own insecurity or jealousy we can work on.
19. You will never be 100% ready for an opportunity when it arises
Never use this as an excuse not to take it!
20. Time can only heal what we allow it to
If you allow your mind to wallow in sorrow or hurt, it’s like picking at a scab that’s trying to heal. Either move on or embrace the fact that this will become your scar.
21. Never assume you’re the best or worst at anything
A quote Mr. S often shares with me is from his former coach, Joe Paterno “You’re never as good as you think you are when you win and you’re never as bad as you think you are when you lose.” This thought keeps me grounded.
22. Deferring your happiness to the future is a terrible decision
So often we hear people say, “I can’t wait until I retire so I can do that.” But why not be happy and do what we love right now and throughout our entire lives? Don’t put off your happiness and life goals until you have more money or more time, both can run out sooner than expected.
23. Under promise and over deliver
In work and in relationships, never promise more than you can reasonably give. It’s far better to underestimate your skills and commitment to someone to ensure you’re always exceeding their expectations.
24. Nobody has it all figured out
And anyone who claims they do probably has the most to learn.
And as I begin my 25th year, I will share one final life lesson to grow on. The most important lesson in life cannot be put into words, it must be experienced.Technology may put the world at our fingertips and allow for massive information sharing, but unless we step outside and experience the world for ourselves, we will have failed at the whole purpose of life—to learn and evolve.
I can still recall the feeling of the dewy grass between my toes. How it managed to turn my flip flops into slippery ice skates during mid July in Pennsylvania I’ll never quite understand. It was summer break and I couldn’t have been over the age of seven. During this time of year, my mother’s inevitably hectic mornings included yet one more to-do, dropping me off at my care-taker’s. She knew me well enough to know that without fail each morning would result in an excuse, a lie or a threat to get me out of going there. That is why the feeling of grass between my toes still conjures up the tight grasp of my mother’s hand. It was her silent way of tell me that no matter how slow my flip flop ice skates moved, I wasn’t getting out of this; I was going to Aunt Roni’s house.
Every child has that one place they despise going. They drag their feet, kick, scream and hold onto nearby doorways, pleading for their parents’ mercy. For some kids it was the doctor or dentist, perhaps even school or church, but for me, it was my Aunt Roni’s.
Aunt Roni was old. Her house was old. Her toys were old. Her television set was old. But worst of all, her rules were old. Aunt Roni was a neighbor two houses away who although there was no blood relation, my mother insisted I called “Aunt” out of respect. During the summer she was my care-taker while my mother was at work. It was during these impressionable summers that I was subjected to her old fashioned and outdated rules. For example, lunch was served at exactly twelve noon, regardless of what orders my stomach growled hours before. I was only allowed to watch television in thirty minute increments and was then forced to play outside, which most often resulted in me angrily pushing an empty swing or sitting arms crossed, sulking behind a tree. A kid couldn’t even indulge in a whole freeze pop! Instead, I had to watch Aunt Roni cut each popsicle in half and put it back in the freezer for “another day.” All of this aside, the rules that frustrated me, a very hyper and fast-paced child, the most were her rules about sewing.
I should mention that more than just my care-taker, my Aunt Roni doubled as a personal sewing instructor. Whether these sewing lessons were secretly arranged by my mother or just a new form of torture Aunt Roni invented is still unknown to me. In short, sewing wasn’t my bag. Many idle hours on the backyard swing set were spent pondering the reasons why anyone would want to sew. Just cutting a pattern out of fabric took more effort than going to a department store. To this day I’m still fairly certain that Aunt Roni spent those same hours pondering why anyone wouldn’t.
For the age of seven, I was a fairly proficient seamstress and earned many blue ribbons at the 4-H fairs. This particular summer I chose to make a tote bag. Straight lines, no zippers, I thought I had a pretty easy summer lined up. But like most of my fool-proof plans to get out of life easy with Aunt Roni, I was sorely mistaken.
I had spent the better part of June meticulously pinning each side of my tote bag together, hand-sewing on the pocket, and finally I was ready to add the handles. I felt Aunt Roni behind me, studying every stitch, looking for any stray thread or—heaven forbid—a sloppy seam. Just as I usually did in this position, I began to panic. With superhuman strength, my foot laid on the sewing machine pedal. The motor hummed with more horse power than most legal street cars, jumping to 40 beats per second, my heart rate not far behind. I jerked back, taking my bag with me, pulling it right under the hungry machine that chewed up the fabric and spit it out. In a crumpled heap, my bag and I laid on the floor, my emotions matching its appearance. As I was surveying the damage, I remembered Aunt Roni had seen it all.
She knew I had been too fast, too hasty with my work and this was the result. Without an ounce of apathy, she told me to tear out every stitch that ran through the center of my bag—by hand. If there was one thing I hated even more than putting the stitches in, it was ripping those same stitches out. I hung my head, thinking of what I would be doing for the next several hours. Aunt Roni looked at me and said, “For every stitch you tear out, you learn something new.” I can tell you that during that afternoon of intense seam-ripping, the only thing I learned was how much anger and frustration a seven year old could feel.
Throughout my childhood summers spent at Aunt Roni’s, I ripped out more stitches than I probably ever kept. It goes without saying that I learned a lot. I learned patience, respect and discipline. I learned that even the most daunting tasks can be made simple if you break them down. Nearly 16 years later, I have managed to make quite a few mistakes. But when the time comes to put aside my pride and rip out the stitches I’ve sewn, I know I’ll walk away with a life lesson and an even deeper love for my Aunt Roni.
Aunt Roni and me August 2010.
This short story is dedicated to my dear Aunt Roni who over the course of our summers together became more than a care-taker. She became my grandmother and my guardian. She came into my life when I was just an infant and showered me with the tender and unconditional love you can only receive from someone who is placed in your life by God. I owe so much of who I am to those summers spent with my Aunt Roni. I can only wish to someday be this special and influential to someone else.
This special guest blog is written by contributing author Kate Bennis, who is completing her yoga teacher training at Flow Yoga Center in Washington, D.C. Read more about Kate at the end of this post!
On a recent Sunday afternoon in my yoga teacher training class at the Flow Yoga Center in Washington, D.C., I physically experienced the beautiful concept of entrainment and I haven’t been able to stop seeing it in these fleeting, serendipitous moments every day since.
We started by practicing a simple sequence of poses linking each movement to breath (inhale, arms up, exhale, fold forward). Our guest teacher, the lovely, inspirational Alanna Kaivalya, began the first sequence by calling out the breath, then the movement. On the second round, she directed us by the breath only. The third repeat, she said nothing. I became deeply aware of the inhale and exhales of my fellow yogis, all in sync for the perfect four counts, leading me through to the next pose. By the fourth try, I closed my eyes and moved through the sequence, void of visual or verbal cues, the only catalyst being the ocean-like sounds of our breathing, surrendering to the rhythm of the waves of movement. My mind was not conscious of where my body was in the sequence; the natural life-force of my classmates’ own prana was driving me.
Finishing the sequence in tadasana, the 26 of us stood at the tops of our mats, two rows facing one another. I opened my eyes to realize my hands were clasped on my pounding heart. The yogi across from me held her shaking hands in prayer, with a blissful smile on her face. Another lightly placed a hand over her mouth, eyes reflecting awe. Like a school of yogi fish, our breath, our movement, our life pulses coordinated into a complex dance. We didn’t think of how to move next, we just knew. I’ve never felt a connection so strong than I did in that room, in that moment.
Entrainment is a term used in various scientific fields to describe the phenomenon of one being adjusting its own internal rhythms to sync with another being. Shiva Rea opened her recent workshop in D.C. (which my sister Stephanie and I attended) by delving into this deep, complex, yet somehow at the same time, innate concept. The terms were new, but the theory was well-worn territory for me: all beings, on a primitive level, desire to connect with one another.
I’ve been experiencing this phenomenon since the moment I was born, however now recently aware, I cannot help but to observe entrainment in the small and beautifully mundane moments of everyday city living. I stand behind a stranger in line at Starbucks and now know my heartbeat is decelerating and hers accelerating to meet somewhere in the middle. I speak to a partner at my law firm, and notice how I mirror his body language to convey engagement and understanding; he lowers his voice, I lower mine. He leans in with arms crossed, I subconsciously do the same. A flock of tens of birds soar up out of a city park, dart left, hang a quick right and land across the avenue in a tree, all as if they have been practicing this impeccably choreographed routine for weeks.
This awareness has helped me to cease to view others as merely obstacles in my daily routine, but instead as fellow passengers in the journey, moving forward right along with me. I love how the heart rhythms yield to each other! It is evidence that not only the ability but also the desire to compromise is an intrinsic, biological function. What a beautiful allegory to help us understand one philosophy in how we should interact with others.
In early 2008, Van Morrison released a song entitled “That’s Entrainment” on his album Keep It Simple. In an interview, he describes his interpretation of the concept as “it’s kind of when you are in the present moment – you’re here – with no past or future.” In the yoga studio, on a cloudy, warm November afternoon, that moment when we stopped after the final sequence, I didn’t care where I was a year ago, or where in the world I will be next year. All that mattered was that incredible moment of connection in my school of yogi fish, the unconsciously choreographed rise and fall of our chests and the pounding of our syncing hearts.
About the author: Kate Bennis currently lives in Washington, D.C. When not studying at Flow Yoga Center, she works as a recruiter for an international law firm. Kate’s current attributes to her frequent moments of bliss are sweater weather, cooking Sunday dinner, dogs that wear outdoor apparel and Yvette, her deep tissue masseuse/unsolicited astrologist.
There are some things that can and will never be taught in the classroom. Maybe it’s because those topics are seen as too radical or have been flagged as a lawsuit risk, but truly these are the missing pieces of wisdom that leave many college grads as an incomplete puzzle with still much to figure out in the real world. In the spirit of Back-to-School, this will be a 5-part series exploring the top lessons I wish would have been included in my own college degree. It’s blunt and it’s honest, but it’s sure to be interesting.
Lesson One: Group projects can be completed alone.
There's no shame in being the 'Lone Ranger' if it's how you do your best work.
Group Projects –We all remember them and probably share similar horror stories for a variety of reasons. My own experiences are quite negative as well. I always felt forced into a group project where, for better or for worse, I would take over and do it all myself. And to be perfectly honest, I’m not blaming my group members as much as my dominating personality. I would have much appreciated a professor to extend the option of working alone. It wouldn’t have given me any extra credit or held my project to a special grading scale, but it would have given me the opportunity to find my entrepreneurial roots sooner. I would have more readily realized that what any 5-person group was doing, I had the capability of not only doing alone—but also the ability to create a better, more cohesive project overall rather than the slapped together, mismatched work of a group project handed-in in such a rush that the still-wet printer ink smears in the professors hands. I digress…
By making groups an option rather than a mandate, teachers could have taught us to find our true potential, challenge our work ethic and learn what working style best fits our individual personalities. Yes a large project may be big and scary when looked at as a whole, but a project of that scale has the potential to teach students time management and what may seem overwhelming and impossible for one person to complete really isn’t all that bad when broken down.
Don’t get me wrong, real work situations will require you to work in groups of all numbers and learning team work skills is crucial. What I’m suggesting is rather than those classes that ONLY allowed students to work as teams or in groups is to at least present the option to mix it up and try new working combinations. This would allow us to better grasp the scope of our capabilities sooner–and maybe this is so important to me because I believe they far exceed what we ever imagine possible.
Every time a beautiful home catches my eye or I’m inspired by a furniture store’s interior design, I’m reminded that there was a time in my life when I was quite certain that I would grow up to become a creator similar works of art. Yes, my childhood dream was to become an architect and interior designer. The signs were quite obvious, really. The remnants of my mounding collection of doll houses can still be found packed away in my parent’s attic. Yet instead of playing house with the tiny people inside these homes, I would spend hours rearranging furniture and building additional walls to expand the modest structures into dream mansions. I filled binders and binders with magazine pictures of bedrooms, kitchens and patios and would stare at blueprints long enough until I could visualize the house I would use them to someday create. And at the age when most children were still building with Legos and Lincoln Logs, I taught myself to use the same computer programs used by professional architects and designers.
