Developing A Cat-Like Instinct for Relationships

If you’re a regular reader of the Bennis Inc Blog you’ll surely recall my “personal assistant” Pinot. For those of you who may still be catching up or just stopping by, allow me to explain that this fur ball of personality doubles as my work partner on most days, but most simply (and reasonably) stated she’s our family pet. During the day, Pinot and I do a good job of keeping to our respective tasks at hand so long as what I’m do appears uninteresting and her food dish is full. But as soon as she decides I can offer her anything of benefit – a warm lap, fresh water or source of entertainment – she gives me her undivided attention. This animal-to-human dynamic she and I share is not far removed from the dynamics I share with other people in my life. Whether I’m the cat or human in these particular scenarios is debatable, but I’ve realized that when it comes to relationships, there’s a great deal of similarity to be found between us and our feline friends. I believe this can be best summarized by David Fisher’s quote:

“The golden rule of cats that governs all relationships we have with people: you scratch my back, you scratch my back.”

I would be shocked if you could not think of one instance in which this feline relationship principle held true. Business partnerships, interactions with strangers, close friendships and marriages all require some degree of “back scratching” and let’s be honest, it sure feels better to be on the receiving end. As much as we’d like to convince ourselves that we are always selfless and fair, the truth is that some of our most fulfilling relationships with others are the result of a cat-like instinct to look out for Number One. And surprisingly, that’s OK. In fact it’s this instinct that ultimately protects our business, our happiness and our time.

First thinking about my business, I’m very cat-like in that I want to share mutually beneficial work relationships with any client I take on. Though I’m the one providing them with a service, and they will and should benefit, I too want to benefit. I want this to turn into a satisfied client that turns into a recommendation that turns into potentially more work. I want a client who shares my vision for their business and is as passionate about bringing it to reality as I am. In friendships, I want to invest my time with people who are positive, happy and inspiring because this has such a profound impact on my own mood. And with strangers or new acquaintances, I want an interaction that holds the promise of a future client, friend or both. When all piled together, these seem like quite a greedy request of my relationships. But consider this: the more we work to surround ourselves with beneficial relationships, the more beneficial we also become to those with whom we interact.

So long as we maintain a genuine effort to share the happiness and success we build for ourselves, there is no guilt in seeking out that next “back scratching.“

I don’t anticipate receiving a reciprocal tummy rub from Pinot anytime soon, yet our relationship works because I too am benefiting in my own way. She’s my stress relief, companion and certainly introduces and element of entertainment and surprise into our household. To apply this to the relationships in your life, don’t ever feel guilty for enjoying or benefiting from the interactions you have with people. It’s most likely that you’re also providing enjoyment or a benefit to them as well. So as long as Pinot keeps coming around for her daily back scratches and I keep providing them, I know that we’re mutually happy and that we each feel like we’re getting the better end of this deal.

 

Fear Factor: Why this emotion is necessary for success

The inspiration for this week’s blog post comes from one of the world’s best-known thinkers who I happen to find absolutely fascinating—Plato. He’s credited with this wisdom, “Courage is knowing what not to fear.” Like most philosophies or proverbs, they’re simply stated, but the endless possibilities of meanings and applications run much deeper. I liked this quote from the first time I heard it, but now as a business owner and entrepreneur, every quote I see or re-read seems to also be applicable to business and success in some way. This one is no exception.

I wrote not too long ago about fear and inspiration as being the two ultimate motivators. In this breakdown I examined how each motivator results in very different types of actions. What this topic did not allow me to expand upon is how fear, though not the preferred motivator, is still an essential part of success. We should never be without at least some fear in our lives for the same reason we should never be without pain. These are the emotional and physical indicators that we’re doing something that’s stretching our limits – it can be a good feeling when it’s that of growth. Once we move outside of this “good growth” area of pain and fear, they then become the indicators that we shouldn’t go any further. This is what keeps us from destroying ourselves (or our business or our relationships). Thus, the goal shouldn’t be to overcome every fear; it should be to overcome the unnecessary fears.

When NOT to fear

“Courage is knowing what not to fear.” But how do we know what is fear-worthy and what we should push to overcome? This differentiation might be the most critical component to ensuring we’re exhausting our options and not ourselves. Unfortunately, Plato didn’t go on to further describe how we might know what to fear; he left that for us to figure out on our own. During my experience of quitting my job, taking a chance on starting a new business and overcoming the expected ups and downs of entrepreneurship along the way, I’ve had to face quite a few of my own fears. In the beginning I feared losing any client or getting turned down for any project. I’ve since realized that this is something I should not and cannot fear if I wish to excel in this industry. The possibility for rejection and change are around every corner, but this does not stop me from continuing to seek new clients and put my hat in the ring for proposals. The fact is, if I got every client I created a proposal for and kept them ongoing, I would be very overwhelmed and my business would not have the same opportunity to re-evaluate and refocus its client base every so often. That same rejection and change that I once feared is now my natural business cleansing process that I’ve come to appreciate. In this example, I found courage not by eliminating this fear or avoiding it, but by learning that it’s something I should not fear at all.

 When to fear

In contrast to knowing when not to fear, it’s just as important to know when a fear is reasonable, logical and a valuable safety mechanism. Again to provide an example from my own experience, I’ve become very in tune to the fear of sacrificing my standards or quality of work to accommodate a client. When business is slow and you’re looking to just pay the bills, it’s a natural instinct to go into survival mode. It’s OK to work for reduced rates or take on less than ideal clients for a short period of time to help pay the bills until your business is again revived. But fear rises up whenever I feel as though I’m lowering my standards or providing sub-par work to meet these reduced prices. I would rather turn away a client if it’s not a good fit than to squeeze and stretch to make it work and have us both be supremely dissatisfied in the end. In this case, my fear helps me to protect my personal reputation and to stay focused on the direction I want my business to go. It keeps me from digressing into offering services more aligned with a personal assistant or data entry and to protect my time for future clients that require the PR services in which I specialize.

Being courageous

I would like to believe that “courageous” is a term that has become synonymous with “entrepreneur.” It’s no easy feat to go against the grain, open your own business and pursue your dreams. It’s hard to watch peers continue down a path that’s well-beaten and easy to see miles into the future. Entrepreneurs don’t get that. We blaze our own path and often have the scars and exhaustion to show for it. But this is all with the hope that the path we choose to follow leads us on a better journey – a journey we control and can change at any moment. Ultimately, this takes courage and because “courage is knowing what not to fear,” we have to make the effort to look within and separate true fear from perceived or imagined fear. This is a critical step in both personal and business development. So, get to know your fears – intimately – especially the ones that can become your moral compass and business instinct.

 

Fear or Inspiration: The Two Motivators That Makes Us Move

We see it in the news, read it in a magazine or hear it within our networks almost every day. There’s some new start-up that’s growing exponentially and breaking all kinds of projections. They’re on the fast track to becoming the “next big thing.” It’s enough to make any small business owner or entrepreneur want to throw the old adage of “slow and steady wins the race” out the window.  Who wouldn’t want their business to skyrocket to Facebook-like fame? From my own experiences and observations, I’ve found that for any business that’s progressing and expanding at warp speed, there is most commonly one of two causes for this type of growth. The differences between these causes are paramount to the ultimate success – or implosion – of the business.

Most simply defined, the two motivators for momentum are fear and inspiration. For most businesses, it’s easy to pick out which they’re experiencing. The difference can be seen in whether their actions to accommodate this growth are proactive or reactive. Not all speeds of growth are beneficial if it comes at the risk of ruining your business or losing your sanity.  The ultimate goal for any business experiencing a period of growth should be to run like you’re crossing the finish line, not like you’re being chased.

Running Scared

Especially seen in start-ups, where one good viral marketing campaign can create an insatiable consumer demand almost overnight, the momentum of business growth can make you run like you’re being chased. You’re reactionary. There’s no time to create a sensible growth plan when you’re barely able to keep up with the current demands of the business. You’re not running the business, the business is running you – or after you, rather. Sure it’s momentum and to the outside world it appears that you’re making significant progress, but in reality you’re shooting from the hip with every decision. My political experience has provided me with far too many examples of organizations who function out of fear. Jokingly we called it organized chaos, but this reactionary behavior to everything thrown at us resulted in frequent mistakes and missed opportunities. In retrospect, these situations would have greatly benefited from even just an hour or two of critical planning. This small investment of time in the short term would have given us a more proactive plan to turn to in the long term. For any business or organization that appears to be “running scared,” it’s never too late to pump the breaks and replace this fear with strategy.

Running Toward A Goal

In contrast to the first type of motivator – fear, the motivator of inspiration produces quite a different result within a business. To the outside world movement all appears the same, but inside you can clearly tell a business that functions off of a well thought out growth strategy. Unlike running scared, running toward a goal helps you to make even big decisions with less effort. Your strategy – or finish line – helps you to see the obvious answers. You’re calm, confident and collected because your focus is on anticipating the next step not reacting to the last hurdle. The inspired movers are the business owners who are able to appreciate the growth of their business, not come to curse it. Most importantly, when you have inspiration as your motivator, not fear, you are in complete control of the direction of growth. You’re able to pick and choose the opportunities that best align with your goals. When motivated by fear, you’re more likely to take on every opportunity that comes your way regardless of whether it’s the right fit. I once had someone give me the advice, “Pile as much on your plate as you can. You can always take it off later, but you can’t put it back on.” I was hesitant when I first heard this and have since learned that it’s very bad advice. Be strategic with your opportunities and don’t give into the fear that tells you another one may never come your way – with enough talent and inspiration, they always do!

In thinking about your own business – or even your personal life – which type of growth do you most familiarize yourself with? Are you running scared or are you running toward a goal? There’s no questioning the accuracy of the term “growing pains.” Growth means change and change is often uncomfortable. What’s important to remember is that between the two motivators that make us move – fear and inspiration – one drains us while the other fulfills us.  It’s important to seek out the latter to ensure that even during the most uncomfortable periods of growth that require us to stretch our limits, we have a finish line in sight and a strategy to get there feeling like a champion.

 

A Quarter-Century of Life Lessons: Revisited

Tomorrow, on December 18^th, I will again celebrate my birthday. For as long as I can remember this was a day that all 364 others would be spent looking forward to. With the start of December before I began counting down until days to Christmas, I first counted down the seconds until my birthday. And from midnight to midnight for a full 24 hours I felt like the most special person in the world. When you’re a little kid birthdays are a big deal. You get cards from every aunt, uncle and neighbor you don’t even know and at school you get to bring in treats and wear a ribbon. And then there’s the cake. I loved every new candle each age earned and how it made my birthday seem bigger and brighter with every passing year. My birthday is still a day when I feel very special, though it’s not nearly as big of an ordeal as my childhood self once made it. But instead of those birthday candles merely adding glow to a cake, I now see them as adding wisdom to my life. And so on my grand quarter-century birthday, I want to revisit the blog post I wrote about one year ago at this time “(Almost) A Quarter-Century of Life Lessons” and with this new year and new candle,  I’ve added the life lesson my 25th year has taught me to this ever growing list.

1. Tie your happiness to a goal—not people or things

You will never be able to control people or things; don’t let your happiness be dependent upon them.

2. There is no such thing as awkward situations, only awkward people

Realizing this allowed me to take control of situations and handle them with confidence and grace.

3. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together

It’s not easy when you feel slighted or taken advantage of, but I truly believe that there’s a greater plan and even the bad parts play in to a happy ending.

4. Crying is neither an indication that you’re weak nor a solution to your problems

You can never really hold emotion in. Not dealing with how you feel causes emotion to come out as passive aggression or displaced anger. I allow myself a good pity party from time to time, but after that’s over I don’t let my thoughts linger. I move on.

5. No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying

Sure it’s easy for people to sit back and criticize when they’re not in your position. But even failing is a sign that you’re trying—and that’s so much more productive than standing still.

6. Do what you love, not what you think you’re supposed to do

I struggled with this one for a while. I thought I was supposed to stay with whatever job offered the most money and benefits, regardless of how miserable I became. Sure I’d like more money, but it will come. Until then, I’d much rather be doing what I love and calling my own shots.

7. Only blaze your own trail if no one before you has gone where you’re going

Don’t take the path less traveled solely for the sake of being different. There’s no shame in following in someone’s footsteps, especially if you admire the path they’ve chosen.

8. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting

This can be applied to both results you want to keep and results you want to change. If you want change you have to create change—time alone cannot and will not do this.

9. At the core, people are truly good

Sometimes I meet people who really test this belief of mine! But if I spend enough time with someone, somewhere along the line they give me the proof I need to know this is still very true.

10. Strive for progress, not perfection

The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists; it rewards people who get things done. Trying to make each day perfect will only paralyze you from making any sort of progress, perfect or not.

11. Opportunity doesn’t go away, it just goes to someone else

Remembering this makes me reconsider any time I’m tempted to take any opportunity for granted and let it pass by.

12. Do not compromise sleep for anything

Anyone who knows me knows that even with a big project or looming deadline, I would rather call it a night and wake up early to get it done. Sleep is sacred to me—it allows my mind and body to reset. Don’t deprive yourself of this vital time; you need it to do anything else to your full ability.

13. As soon as you wake up, start by saying one positive thing about today

I’ve used this positive thinking technique to get me through some of the gloomiest work periods of my life. No one wants to be at the beginning of a 12 hour work day, but saying one thing you have to look forward to—even if it’s just a your favorite lunch–will help get you out of bed.

14. Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck

It may not be what you want, but life will always give you exactly what you need. The sooner I learned to trust this, the sooner I was able to let go of all of the “What If’s.”

15. When you don’t plan everything, everything goes as planned

You may remember this as a blog post where I learned a pretty valuable life lesson. By planning everything, I only set myself up for frustration (and madness) when things would inevitably change.

16. Don’t measure life in grand gestures or life-changing moments

In doing so, you will miss the better part of what life truly is…the little moments

17. Happiness and success are independent of each other

Sure they can, and often do, occur at the same time. But this is not guaranteed nor is the fact that one will always cause the other. You must pursue each separately.

18. The problems we have with other people are more often about ourselves

You may remember my post about not having to like everyone you work with. It’s a fact of life that we will interact with people we don’t like, but do remain introspective about what it is that bothers us about someone else. It’s most often a reflection of our own insecurity or jealousy we can work on.

19. You will never be 100% ready for an opportunity when it arises

Never use this as an excuse not to take it!

20. Time can only heal what we allow it to

If you allow your mind to wallow in sorrow or hurt, it’s like picking at a scab that’s trying to heal. Either move on or embrace the fact that this will become your scar.

21. Never assume you’re the best or worst at anything

A quote Mr. S often shares with me is from his former coach, Joe Paterno “You’re never as good as you think you are when you win and you’re never as bad as you think you are when you lose.” This thought keeps me grounded.

22. Deferring your happiness to the future is a terrible decision

So often we hear people say, “I can’t wait until I retire so I can do that.” But why not be happy and do what we love right now and throughout our entire lives? Don’t put off your happiness and life goals until you have more money or more time, both can run out sooner than expected.

23. Under promise and over deliver

In work and in relationships, never promise more than you can reasonably give. It’s far better to underestimate your skills and commitment to someone to ensure you’re always exceeding their expectations.

24. Nobody has it all figured out

And anyone who claims they do probably has the most to learn.

The newest life lesson that I will add to the 25th spot on my list is the lesson I believe this year was meant to teach me. It’s a lesson that I not only personally experienced, but finally had the wisdom to open my eyes and see all around me…

25. Merely planning to do something is not the same as accomplishing something

I become so frustrated when a goal is set and never met. With so much information about goal setting and motivation I could never justify why so many good intentions never get off the ground. Just before my 25th birthday I reasoned that the answer was the trap of thinking planning to do something is the same as  accomplishing something. Good intentions are not enough if you want to bring something to reality. So as we emerge on the cusp of New Year resolutions, keep this simple truth in mind. It’s a lesson I’ll be sure to carry into my next quarter-century and beyond!

 

Taking a Cue from Mother Nature

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” Lao Tzu

So often in life, nature is something we first try to change and then try equally as hard to replicate. I might be among the worst offenders of this. I’m always looking for ways to be more efficient with my time, cut-out the waste and cram in just one more hour’s worth of work somewhere, somehow. But time and time again, this haste has led me to mistakes, accidents and set-backs that in the end required more of my time than if I had just tried to do things right in the first place. Just a few days ago I was inspired by the Lao Tzu quote, “Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” Ancient philosophers have quite a knack for making the most obvious statements while lining them with an intensely deep meaning that changes your world in a matter of seconds. And with this quote, I began to reexamine the perceived benefit of rushing through life’s tasks.

I can recall countless instances where rushing has cost me valuable time and caused unnecessary frustration. In the morning, I always feel like I’m saving time by multi tasking while brushing my teeth, but when toothpaste ends up on clothes and carpets, I spend more time cleaning up a mess that would otherwise have not been created. One specific morning, I was reaching for a canister of oatmeal with one hand and opening a drawer to grab a spoon with the other, when the entire canister came crashing to the floor. I lost about 20 minutes that day sweeping up oatmeal all for the possibility of saving a few extra seconds. Aside from a few messes here and there, rushing while driving to a meeting, proof-reading an important document or balancing my finances could lead to consequences far more severe. I suppose the underlying point is – how much time could I really be gaining by overloading myself with unnecessary multi-tasking?

In looking to nature for examples, I realized far more important tasks are accomplished every day, moving at the exact same pace they have been for all time. There’s something to be said for steady and consistent progress. Flowers bloom, animals migrate and weather changes just as it should to keep everything else moving in harmony. Could you imagine if just one piece of this puzzle were to rush its role? Everything else would be thrown off to create repercussions almost unimaginable. Most interesting of all is that we might be the only species inclined to rush. Where does this pressure come from? Why do we feel like what we accomplish in the time we’re given is never enough? I’m sure we can each answer this based upon different reflections, but what’s important is that we stop rushing long enough to at least ask.

In my own life, I can easily pick out the almost comical examples of how I try to change nature, just to replicate it. Our natural state is what we first try to improve upon, but ultimately use as our model for perfection. Just last week I spent a day rushing through my to-do list, feeling overwhelmed by everything I needed to get done. My reason for the rush? I wanted to have time to do yoga that afternoon so I could “unwind and de-stress.”  My new goal is to take a cue from Mother Nature and find a pace at which I’m making steady and consistent progress. For a serial multi-tasker this will be hard habit to break, but if it allows me to find more moments of clarity and contentment to appreciate the natural perfection of the world around me, it’s a challenge I’m willing to accept.

One of my favorite photos of Scott and me in front of Penn State’s Old Main Building. Every year, these flowers bloom in perfect harmony with spring and summer on campus.

 

Panic Does Not Equal Passion

For better or for worse, I seem to be pulled toward career paths that are not for the faint of heart. Just when I caught my breath from a whirlwind statewide gubernatorial election, it took merely 4 short months before I needed that adrenaline rush again. I craved the feeling of having meaningful tasks to keep me so busy that I was racing against the clock, not watching it countdown until quitting time.

After campaign life, where showers and haircuts were a luxury and 5pm wasn’t quitting time – it was merely the half point mark of your day, I swore I was done. Once was enough for me. I earned my badge and can say I did it, but I wasn’t going back. I was ready for a steady 9-5 job where I could make plans with friends and actually keep them. But then the boredom crept in. At first it was a pleasant boredom, the type you’re happy to get used to. But then even my best time-wasting tasks were leaving me with hours of the day unfilled. Slowly but surely I was developing “cubicle fever.” My maximum workload had been pushed to such limits on the campaign, that this has become the only work pace I now know. As much as I craved a normal work schedule, I had been trained to function like a one-person department and there was no going back. It’s like riding a train going 80mph and suddenly falling off and coming to a complete stop. When dropped back into the real world, I could no longer relate. So as many of you who have followed my journey thus far know, I took the leap and created my own Public Relations business as a way to again find that whirlwind work pace that has become my metric for normal.

Almost a year later and I’ve found myself ramped up to campaign speed again. The biggest difference is, this time around I call the shots. I can take unlimited time-off so long as I plan ahead and get my work done or take it with me as I travel (yes, from time to time I still have to call upon my envelope stuffing skills, but you won’t find me doing door-to-door voter polls anytime soon). I’m working now harder than ever, and depending on the week, am even busier than I was the week before Election Day on the campaign; however, I’ve realized one profound truth from these two experiences.

Panic does not equal passion.

On the campaign it was normal for people to be run around like a chicken with their head cut off and there were certainly circumstances that called for panic. But in many cases I believe people would overact with stress and drama as a way to declare their passion for their work. I’m a calm person by nature and I handle stress best internally. This led to one or more occasions on the campaign where my commitment was questioned. But I can assure you – anyone who is NOT committed on a campaign would not last more than a week. It’s a frustrating position to be put in. Do you give in and act panicked just to declare your passion? Or do you do nothing and risk your dedication and hard work being written off as less than your very best? The only answer I’ve been able to form came years later….it was starting my own business where the proof of my passion is my quality of work and my cool head and calm demeanor has become the signature characteristic of Bennis Inc.

I know that the panic vs. passion struggle is not limited to campaign life. I saw it emerging in various forms in my other jobs. Two people can get the same amount of work done in a day even if one leaves at 5pm and the other at 9pm. The late worker shouldn’t be award a medal of honor for staying late if he took a 2 hour lunch and surfed the web for an hour. So much is dependent upon your leadership style and how you react under pressure. In a salaried job and in campaign life, there is no reward for working efficiently – more work is simply piled on. I’m grateful that if I work smarter and get my task list done for the day, I am rewarded with a flexible afternoon or the ability to take on more work and earn more money. But more than anything, I’m grateful that I don’t have to give in to panicking just to prove my passion.

Keep calm and carry on.

 

Allowing Talent to Determine Your Calling

My calling is in writing and communicating with the world around me

A quote by Aristotle was once shared with me that says, “Where you talents meet the needs of the world, therein lies your calling.” It’s easy to gloss over these words without truly taking them to heart, but if you read it again—more slowly—you will realize the power this timeless quote holds.

Whether you’re a newly graduated student, someone looking for a career change or an entrepreneur ready to start your own business, there is a lot of uncertainty you must face. I’ve asked myself these same questions: what do I want to do, what am I good at, what’s my purpose? And I can’t say I’ve come up with definitive answers as of yet. These may be lifelong questions which we continually ask ourselves to re-evaluate our life goals every so often. But I do know one thing for sure, where you talents meet the needs of the world, therein lies your calling.

The biggest push I had to leave my former career and start Bennis Public Relations, Inc was the belief that I had more to offer the world than working a desk job and answering phones. I wanted to work with a variety of different people—all with different communications needs—and share my talents to help them better themselves and their business. This was my passion and my drive. I still know when I’m on the right path when I get excited for the tasks ahead of me each day. And this is the message I want to share with you—we all have a passion and a talent for something.  Right now, today, are you using yours to meet the needs of the world?

I recently came across a video clip of a man who should have every reason to feel sorry for himself and question his self-worth—but he doesn’t. Instead, he uses his talents to meet the needs of the world, the need to inspire us and put our blessings into perspective. While dealt an unfortunate situation, he has not only survived, but has become an immensely talented speaker. Imagine what you could do with your talents?

I strongly urge you to take just 4 minutes out of your day to watch this video.

 

(Almost) A Quarter-Century of Life Lessons

Yesterday, December 18^th, I celebrated my 24^th birthday. Getting to this one day took me nearly a quarter of a century of learning, growing and collecting life experiences. As part of my celebration, I thought now would be the perfect time to really reflect on who I am and what I know to be true. I want to share with the world my own list of 24 life lessons that have taken me 24 years to learn. Some I’m glad to have learned early, some carry heavy memories and some make me smile—but no matter what emotions they conjure up, they have all played a role in making me who I am today and for that I couldn’t be more grateful.

1. Tie your happiness to a goal—not people or things

You will never be able to control people or things; don’t let your happiness be dependent upon them.

2. There is no such thing as awkward situations, only awkward people

Realizing this allowed me to take control of situations and handle them with confidence and grace.

3. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together

It’s not easy when you feel slighted or taken advantage of, but I truly believe that there’s a greater plan and even the bad parts play in to a happy ending.

4. Crying is neither an indication that you’re weak nor a solution to your problems

You can never really hold emotion in. Not dealing with how you feel causes emotion to come out as passive aggression or displaced anger. I allow myself a good pity party from time to time, but after that’s over I don’t let my thoughts linger. I move on.

5. No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying

Sure it’s easy for people to sit back and criticize when they’re not in your position. But even failing is a sign that you’re trying—and that’s so much more productive than standing still.

6. Do what you love, not what you think you’re supposed to do

I struggled with this one for a while. I thought I was supposed to stay with whatever job offered the most money and benefits, regardless of how miserable I became. Sure I’d like more money, but it will come. Until then, I’d much rather be doing what I love and calling my own shots.

7. Only blaze your own trail if no one before you has gone where you’re going

Don’t take the path less traveled solely for the sake of being different. There’s no shame in following in someone’s footsteps, especially if you admire the path they’ve chosen.

8. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting

This can be applied to both results you want to keep and results you want to change. If you want change you have to create change—time alone cannot and will not do this.

9. At the core, people are truly good

Sometimes I meet people who really test this belief of mine! But if I spend enough time with someone, somewhere along the line they give me the proof I need to know this is still very true.

10. Strive for progress, not perfection

The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists; it rewards people who get things done. Trying to make each day perfect will only paralyze you from making any sort of progress, perfect or not.

11. Opportunity doesn’t go away, it just goes to someone else

Remembering this makes me reconsider any time I’m tempted to take any opportunity for granted and let it pass by.

12. Do not compromise sleep for anything

Anyone who knows me knows that even with a big project or looming deadline, I would rather call it a night and wake up early to get it done. Sleep is sacred to me—it allows my mind and body to reset. Don’t deprive yourself of this vital time; you need it to do anything else to your full ability.

13. As soon as you wake up, start by saying one positive thing about today

I’ve used this positive thinking technique to get me through some of the gloomiest work periods of my life. No one wants to be at the beginning of a 12 hour work day, but saying one thing you have to look forward to—even if it’s just a your favorite lunch–will help get you out of bed.

14. Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck

It may not be what you want, but life will always give you exactly what you need. The sooner I learned to trust this, the sooner I was able to let go of all of the “What If’s.”

15. When you don’t plan everything, everything goes as planned

You may remember this as a blog post where I learned a pretty valuable life lesson. By planning everything, I only set myself up for frustration (and madness) when things would inevitably change.

16. Don’t measure life in grand gestures or life-changing moments

In doing so, you will miss the better part of what life truly is…the little moments

17. Happiness and success are independent of each other

Sure they can, and often do, occur at the same time. But this is not guaranteed nor is the fact that one will always cause the other. You must pursue each separately.

18. The problems we have with other people are more often about ourselves

You may remember my post about not having to like everyone you work with. It’s a fact of life that we will interact with people we don’t like, but do remain introspective about what it is that bothers us about someone else. It’s most often a reflection of our own insecurity or jealousy we can work on.

19. You will never be 100% ready for an opportunity when it arises

Never use this as an excuse not to take it!

20. Time can only heal what we allow it to

If you allow your mind to wallow in sorrow or hurt, it’s like picking at a scab that’s trying to heal. Either move on or embrace the fact that this will become your scar.

21. Never assume you’re the best or worst at anything

A quote Mr. S often shares with me is from his former coach, Joe Paterno “You’re never as good as you think you are when you win and you’re never as bad as you think you are when you lose.” This thought keeps me grounded.

22. Deferring your happiness to the future is a terrible decision

So often we hear people say, “I can’t wait until I retire so I can do that.” But why not be happy and do what we love right now and throughout our entire lives? Don’t put off your happiness and life goals until you have more money or more time, both can run out sooner than expected.

23. Under promise and over deliver

In work and in relationships, never promise more than you can reasonably give. It’s far better to underestimate your skills and commitment to someone to ensure you’re always exceeding their expectations.

24. Nobody has it all figured out

And anyone who claims they do probably has the most to learn.

And as I begin my 25^th year, I will share one final life lesson to grow on. The most important lesson in life cannot be put into words, it must be experienced. Technology may put the world at our fingertips and allow for massive information sharing, but unless we step outside and experience the world for ourselves, we will have failed at the whole purpose of life—to learn and evolve.

 

When To Take Risks & When To Take Caution

There’s a quote by Thomas Edison that reads, “Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” I wouldn’t dare argue with Edison on this—after all, his invention has assisted in the writing of this blog post. Failures have led to great things all because of trying at least one more time. But there is a time in both business and life when I feel like two thoughts may be of better advice, “Quit while you’re ahead” and “Never risk more than you’re willing to lose.”

We live in a society where we’re taught to do it all. Take on as many responsibilities as possible, overload yourself with work and commitments and have just one more—of whatever that might be. Maybe it’s greed or maybe it’s pride, but sooner or later this mindset almost always results in one thing: loss. Risk taking is seen as admirable, courageous and passionate—oh and it is—but not when you risk more than you’re willing to lose. And that’s what it boils down to. Whether you’re an entrepreneur whose remortgaged his house and cashed in his life savings or a CEO with thousands of employees and billions of dollars in capital, taking risks to further your business may sound heroic and glamorous, but remember two things: never risk more than you’re willing to lose and quit while you’re ahead.

I’ve taken my fair share of risks to get to owning my own Public Relations firm, but not without careful consideration of what I was willing to lose. I was willing to risk a reduced and unstable income because I had savings and developed a very conservative budget. I was also willing to risk a career set-back if Bennis Inc failed. If I went back to my former career, there’s a good chance I’d have to start again at a lower position than when I left. But what I’m not willing to risk is depleting my life savings, putting myself in debt, my mental and physical health or the important relationships in my life. I’m also not willing to risk less than quality work for taking on as many clients as possible. If it means not accepting new clients for a while because business is booming or finding supplementary income when business is slow, I like to think I’d know when to quit while I’m ahead.

These seemingly contrary thoughts have a way of working together. Like Edison said, you should never give up just because you failed. But when deciding whether to try your luck one more time, remember that there’s a difference between being persistent and being foolish. Never let pride or greed set you five steps back all for the chance of taking one step forward.