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The 4 Most Powerful Words You Can Ask Someone

30 Mar

The 4 Most Powerful Words You Can Ask Someone

Both in life and in business, we experience individual struggles that cause us stress, frustration, anger, embarrassment and overall contribute to one of those “really bad days.” What’s worse is that because these struggles are uniquely our own, we often feel like we are completely alone when it comes to overcoming them.

Feeling the need to internalize our bad days and the challenges they bring only feed the unhealthy cycle in which we forget to reach out to other people who appear to have hit a road bump. This brings me to the grand reveal of the four most powerful words we can ask someone today. And that is….

“How can I help?”

It’s deceptively simple and so obvious that it seems silly. When we see someone struggling or upset, we should ask how we can help. But, do we? I’ll be the first to admit I do not – at least not as often as I should. In 2015 I want that to change. I want to inspire you to also take the lead in transforming us back into a society who takes an interest in the health and well being of the people around us– not just an interest in their latest status update. Here is why this simple question is so powerful.

It forces us to let our guard down.

I know when I’m having a stressful day where I feel like my to-do list is a mile long and getting longer, I am too proud and too overwhelmed to stop and think of how someone else might help to lessen the load. From experience, when someone asks me “How can I help?” it’s such a welcome relief and feels just as good as a comforting hug.

I used to blow off this question because only I could perform many of my work related to-do’s, but I have since learned to think outside the box and find ways (like household chores, running an errand or offering a few hours of childcare) that people can help out regardless of their skill set or expertise.

It gives us a support system.

Asking this question is the most meaningful way in which you can express to someone that you’re there for them. It’s putting your money where your mouth is and actually offering to do something rather than simply saying “I’m here if you need something.”

No, take the initiative to ask someone what it is they need. By asking, not telling, you’re ready to assume the risk that they could need you to do something time consuming or undesirable. But it also makes us feel like we have a partner in all of this mess – and sometimes that is the only thing we really need.

It’s not condescending or judgmental.

The question “How can I help?” is simple, but perfectly phrased. Compare it to “Do you need help?” This variation can come across like a judgment that the person needs help for whatever it is they are going through. Give them the immediate acceptance of acknowledging it’s okay to need help and skip right to offering your hand. Especially if it’s an issue of pride, you won’t help the situation by first making them admit to needing help.

It eliminates our excuse to act like a martyr.

Most importantly, being asked “How can I help?” eliminates the temptation for us to feel sorry for ourselves and muddle in our own misery. Having someone standing in front of us with a hand to lift us up is the best way to make us grab a hold of our boot straps and pull them up high. Sometime we enjoy playing the martyr as a defense mechanism or because we want a reason to complain. This is neither healthy nor going to help us break the “bad day” cycle. Being asked “What can I do to help?” is a powerful way to make us stop feeling all alone and like no one cares – because someone does!

Who is someone you should ask “How can I help?” Reach out to them today and say these 4 simple words. Then share how the answer and the actions that resulted changed both of your lives!

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5 Comments

Posted by on March 30, 2015 in Business & Success, Life

 

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5 responses to “The 4 Most Powerful Words You Can Ask Someone

  1. deborahshousewrites

    March 30, 2015 at 11:07 am

    What an important reminder to be alert to those who might welcome the offer of help and to notice when we ourselves could really use assistance. I’d be delighted to share portions of this blog with my readers–I believe they would really resonate with this topic. Pleasae let me know if you like that idea. Warmly, Deborah DementiaJourney.org

     
    • Stephanie Shirley

      March 30, 2015 at 12:53 pm

      Thank you for your comment, Deborah. I’m glad you enjoyed this article! I would be happy to have you share it with your audience. Please feel free to do so. Cheers! –Stephanie

       
  2. terryshen

    April 2, 2015 at 4:47 pm

    Reblogged this on Running with Buddha and commented:
    “How Can I Help?”

    It is straight forward, unpretentious, and genuine. It gets around external distractions like what would people think or would they take it wrong, etc.

    It is such an useful phrase. Thanks for sharing.

    Terry

     
  3. ramakrishnan6002

    April 7, 2015 at 1:01 am

    Reblogged this on Gr8fullsoul.

     

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