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The 4 Most Powerful Words You Can Ask Someone

The first Monday of each month, I dust off a favorite post from the Bennis Inc Blog archives and give you another chance to enjoy the wit and wisdom that’s been shared. Enjoy this month’s treasure – and if it inspires you – be sure to share it with family and friends!


The 4 Most Powerful Words You Can Ask Someone

Both in life and in business, we experience individual struggles that cause us stress, frustration, anger, embarrassment and overall contribute to one of those “really bad days.” What’s worse is that because these struggles are uniquely our own, we often feel like we are completely alone when it comes to overcoming them.

Feeling the need to internalize our bad days and the challenges they bring only feed the unhealthy cycle in which we forget to reach out to other people who appear to have hit a road bump. This brings me to the grand reveal of the four most powerful words we can ask someone today. And that is….

“How can I help?”

It’s deceptively simple and so obvious that it seems silly. When we see someone struggling or upset, we should ask how we can help. But, do we? I’ll be the first to admit I do not – at least not as often as I should. In 2015 I want that to change. I want to inspire you to also take the lead in transforming us back into a society who takes an interest in the health and well being of the people around us– not just an interest in their latest status update. Here is why this simple question is so powerful.

It forces us to let our guard down.

I know when I’m having a stressful day where I feel like my to-do list is a mile long and getting longer, I am too proud and too overwhelmed to stop and think of how someone else might help to lessen the load. From experience, when someone asks me “How can I help?” it’s such a welcome relief and feels just as good as a comforting hug.

I used to blow off this question because only I could perform many of my work related to-do’s, but I have since learned to think outside the box and find ways (like household chores, running an errand or offering a few hours of childcare) that people can help out regardless of their skill set or expertise.

It gives us a support system.

Asking this question is the most meaningful way in which you can express to someone that you’re there for them. It’s putting your money where your mouth is and actually offering to do something rather than simply saying “I’m here if you need something.”

No, take the initiative to ask someone what it is they need. By asking, not telling, you’re ready to assume the risk that they could need you to do something time consuming or undesirable. But it also makes us feel like we have a partner in all of this mess – and sometimes that is the only thing we really need.

It’s not condescending or judgmental.

The question “How can I help?” is simple, but perfectly phrased. Compare it to “Do you need help?” This variation can come across like a judgment that the person needs help for whatever it is they are going through. Give them the immediate acceptance of acknowledging it’s okay to need help and skip right to offering your hand. Especially if it’s an issue of pride, you won’t help the situation by first making them admit to needing help.

It eliminates our excuse to act like a martyr.

Most importantly, being asked “How can I help?” eliminates the temptation for us to feel sorry for ourselves and muddle in our own misery. Having someone standing in front of us with a hand to lift us up is the best way to make us grab a hold of our boot straps and pull them up high. Sometime we enjoy playing the martyr as a defense mechanism or because we want a reason to complain. This is neither healthy nor going to help us break the “bad day” cycle. Being asked “What can I do to help?” is a powerful way to make us stop feeling all alone and like no one cares – because someone does!

Who is someone you should ask “How can I help?” Reach out to them today and say these 4 simple words. Then share how the answer and the actions that resulted changed both of your lives!

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Posted by on February 6, 2017 in Business & Success, Life

 

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The 4 Most Powerful Words You Can Ask Someone

The 4 Most Powerful Words You Can Ask Someone

Both in life and in business, we experience individual struggles that cause us stress, frustration, anger, embarrassment and overall contribute to one of those “really bad days.” What’s worse is that because these struggles are uniquely our own, we often feel like we are completely alone when it comes to overcoming them.

Feeling the need to internalize our bad days and the challenges they bring only feed the unhealthy cycle in which we forget to reach out to other people who appear to have hit a road bump. This brings me to the grand reveal of the four most powerful words we can ask someone today. And that is….

“How can I help?”

It’s deceptively simple and so obvious that it seems silly. When we see someone struggling or upset, we should ask how we can help. But, do we? I’ll be the first to admit I do not – at least not as often as I should. In 2015 I want that to change. I want to inspire you to also take the lead in transforming us back into a society who takes an interest in the health and well being of the people around us– not just an interest in their latest status update. Here is why this simple question is so powerful.

It forces us to let our guard down.

I know when I’m having a stressful day where I feel like my to-do list is a mile long and getting longer, I am too proud and too overwhelmed to stop and think of how someone else might help to lessen the load. From experience, when someone asks me “How can I help?” it’s such a welcome relief and feels just as good as a comforting hug.

I used to blow off this question because only I could perform many of my work related to-do’s, but I have since learned to think outside the box and find ways (like household chores, running an errand or offering a few hours of childcare) that people can help out regardless of their skill set or expertise.

It gives us a support system.

Asking this question is the most meaningful way in which you can express to someone that you’re there for them. It’s putting your money where your mouth is and actually offering to do something rather than simply saying “I’m here if you need something.”

No, take the initiative to ask someone what it is they need. By asking, not telling, you’re ready to assume the risk that they could need you to do something time consuming or undesirable. But it also makes us feel like we have a partner in all of this mess – and sometimes that is the only thing we really need.

It’s not condescending or judgmental.

The question “How can I help?” is simple, but perfectly phrased. Compare it to “Do you need help?” This variation can come across like a judgment that the person needs help for whatever it is they are going through. Give them the immediate acceptance of acknowledging it’s okay to need help and skip right to offering your hand. Especially if it’s an issue of pride, you won’t help the situation by first making them admit to needing help.

It eliminates our excuse to act like a martyr.

Most importantly, being asked “How can I help?” eliminates the temptation for us to feel sorry for ourselves and muddle in our own misery. Having someone standing in front of us with a hand to lift us up is the best way to make us grab a hold of our boot straps and pull them up high. Sometime we enjoy playing the martyr as a defense mechanism or because we want a reason to complain. This is neither healthy nor going to help us break the “bad day” cycle. Being asked “What can I do to help?” is a powerful way to make us stop feeling all alone and like no one cares – because someone does!

Who is someone you should ask “How can I help?” Reach out to them today and say these 4 simple words. Then share how the answer and the actions that resulted changed both of your lives!

 
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Posted by on March 30, 2015 in Business & Success, Life

 

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Every Business Needs A Designated Worrier

problem solving rubix cubeThere are few things I enjoy more than being prepared. This should come as no surprise to those of you who know me (or who have least read this blog for a little while). Organization, planning and preparation are all means to staying in control and finding that sense of stability in a career field that is anything but stable. Aside from my own sanity, I’ve also found that my love for preparedness has become the quality my clients most appreciate. I play the role of the “anticipator” and the problem solver before issues even arise.

Essentially, I have become the designated worrier for many of my clients. Part of what I do is to anticipate potential communication issues and crises and nip them in the bud long before they bloom into a full-blown problem. Business owners are busy. They can’t put all their time and effort into worrying about what could go wrong when their time is better spent maximizing what is going right. This is why, separate from the business owner or CEO, every successful company needs that one person who can anticipate and put out fires before anyone else sees the smoke.

The role of the designated worrier.

Though my expertise lies in Public Relations, I sometimes feel like I could also claim a degree in risk management with some of the experiences I’ve had. Dealing with the politics of politics, handling registration for large-scale conferences and communicating with constituencies of more than 70,000 individuals are all in a day’s work. You can imagine how there’s room for much to go awry if not carefully monitored. When a client comes to me with a communications goal, my purpose is two-fold. I first craft a plan to reach this goal, but I also (even unbeknownst to them) note the challenges, backlashes and potential miscommunications that could result during implementation. Though I’m hired to make things go right, anticipating the things that could go wrong is a critical component to creating a prepared and effective communications plan. Not doing so seems downright, well…risky.

If you anticipate a problem, anticipate a solution.

If you’re lucky, all your worrying and anticipating will be the furthest you’ll need to address any particular problem. This is a good thing. However, wishing and worrying alone is no real solution. If you anticipate a problem, you must also anticipate a solution. To be the most effective worrier I can be for a client, I’ve found that I must also present a solution at the same time I’m presenting a problem. Simply saying “We have a customer that’s really upset about a mistake made with his order,” is not enough. You must also anticipate the client’s next question which will likely be “What do we need to do about it?” If it’s a solution you can handle on your own, handle it without being asked. This is what will make you invaluable to an employer – knowing you are not only able to identify problems, but solve them without micromanaging.

A potential problem doesn’t have to result in a real problem.

Yes, for so many instances in life worrying doesn’t ever achieve more than a stomach ulcer. There’s an important distinction between worrying about things you have no control over verses worrying about things you do. In business, many worries are valid and do fall within your realm of control. It’s far more effective to be proactive than reactive. There are enough real-life examples to prove this saves insane amounts of time, money, damage to reputations and sometimes the business as a whole. But most importantly is that with the right worrying and anticipation, a problem that would ordinarily seem inevitable can be successfully avoided altogether. Just because a problem is looming overhead is no reason to throw your hands up and let it come crashing down. There is always opportunity to lessen the impact – and there is when having an effective worrier in charge makes all the difference!

Who is the designated worrier in your business? If it’s you, what tactics do you use to accurately anticipate problems and solve them before they escalate? Share your thoughts by commenting below – your input could help us all get one step closer to solving our own rubix cube of business problems!

 

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